MUSIC CRITICS & RAP GENRE REVIEWS Im continually amused by these so-called music critics attempting to analyze rap albums, in particular because of how obvious it is that they are complete fish out of water, which they know deep down but can never admit. The reality is, they are only pretending to take rap music seriously because they want to appear open-minded and enlightened to fit in with the leftist paradigm. In the back of their heads they are going, welp, time to see what the n-----s are are up to in the world of music, but the other side of their brain where faux-caring and faux-humanity are located goes, you racist, its a cultural movement and needs to be taken as seriously as the pretentious pseudo-poetry you hear in serious music. This is their way of expressing themselves and highlighting social ills. Treat their Ebonics like its a White House press release and treat them like intellectuals. This is how black people are, and if you cant pretend that you respect it as much as the words and works of white folk, youre a racist, Republican, redneck. Enter flowery reviews attempting to discuss the musical intricacies of a rap beat (Emcee Rillist N---a Alive laces a Queen sample in 4/4 time with a three-chord progression in medium tempo, resulting in a cacophony that casts a meandering, incongruous tone that is nonetheless bolstered by an incandescent aesthetic), the alleged political points a rapper is making in his generic bars, using plenty of obscure words in your analysis, and do everything in your power to hide the fact that you dont know the first thing about lyricism. Seriously, when is the last time youve ever read a review on Eminem discussing his rhyme schemes? The most youll ever hear a critic mention is something that basically amounts to, Eminem rhymes good, dood. Theyll make some intentionally vague reference to his technical skill or his lyrical dexterity, but they dont have the first clue. They dont know the difference between door hinge loose/four-inch screws and, good/hood/wood. The proof? Not one reputable music critic called Eminem out for Encore. Eminem slurred and mumbled his way through putrid tracks so poorly written they had some wondering if hed been abducted by aliens, but to the snooty critics, the only thing wrong with Encore was that Eminem was becoming too predictable with all his dated references and attacks on pop music. To them, Encore was just like The Eminem Show, Marshall Mathers LP, and Slim Shady LP - same shit, different pile. He dissed Michael Jackson...celebrity disses! He talked about Kim and Hailie. Again! For that, Encore gets half a star less than The Eminem Show. Rolling Stone, which pretends to understand why Eminem is great so that it can appear hip and relevant, gave it 4 stars (out of 5). Almost another masterpiece by the relevant white rapper who well place about 20 times on our Top 850 songs of the past 37 years list in the next edition. I mean, its Eminem. Hes good, right? Mockingbird sounded so sad and emotional. In Mosh he says, no more blood for oil. Its just, um....unfocused. Yeah...unfocused. Still, a solid 4 star effort, were sure. Actually, I was wrong - they gave it the same rating as The Eminem Show. What kind of country do I live in where prostitution is illegal but its OK to pay people to review someone elses work in a publication?
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 11:07:14 +0000