Making friends is a primal instinct, we are social animals. When we arrived at a new assignment a few years ago, I was initially greeted with what I felt was a quasi warm reception. The sponsors wife graciously invited us over to a home cooked meal. I had met her earlier in the day and felt the invitation was driven by her husbands desire to do a good job with my husband and not her desire to be friends with me. However, we had keys to our new home equipped with hard floors, bare walls and an empty fridge, so I accepted. I was right. After dinner, I listened to how much she loved to travel. She sounded like me. We had tons in common and I began to imagine long road trips, shopping and many, many delicious lunch dates. Then she kept talking. She talked about the adventures she had racked up over the past few years with a group of friends that were all gone now. She basically spoke as if part of her had died. I offered to join her on future excursions, but was flat out rejected, as politely as a rejection could be... BUT no thanks was loud and clear. It wouldnt be the same, she said. She asked me if I wanted her number, obliged to take it, I knew I could skip putting it in speed dial. I left there thinking, that girl is nuts and its definitely her loss. Her close-minded attitude for a new friend would be an obstacle I had no desire to ascend. But I also couldnt help to wonder if it was me. It wasnt me!! lol Once my furniture arrived, I had placed the last rug and hung the last picture, I ventured out and met people open to friendship. I bonded over spilled wine, mis-spelled words like chicken fillets (the T is STILL silent, you know who you are) and missed husbands. Then a funny thing happened. Three years later, I found myself feeling the same way she did. I wasnt as rude, of course, but I had insulated myself with a group of friends that were ingrained into my physical and mental landscape. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we didnt accept new people into our group. So much so, that while I would love to return to that assignment, it wouldnt be the same, thus Id prefer something similar instead. Patience is key. The last place is always better than the current place. You know that grass is greener crap. But with time and effort, every assignment, every move, every obstacle, somehow prepares us to deal with the next one. Dont get it twisted, some assignments just suck... we know who you are. I have finally come to terms with Fort Lee, but now as it always happens, we are short-timers, waiting for orders to move again in less than 6 months... and I cant help but laugh. Now I have friends, a job, a life that I am not constantly comparing to the last assignment (I still do, just not hourly) and its almost time to leave. WTH
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 11:55:15 +0000
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