Man wey dey reason By Flow Episode 19 We pleaded with Haruna, including Brainbox of course. With Man speaking Hausa to Haruna, it was not as difficult as i expected. Haruna forgave us and threw away the fetish blood stained feather. Only God knew if the feathers were actually fetish, or Haruna just wanted to scare us with the feather and the Babalawo story. That night we went to Paapas place to take a stick or two. I slept like a Baby that night, Maybe it was because of the weed i smoked. And i woke up late. The next morning as we sat under the Mango tree massively brushing our teeth, a beautiful lady walked towards us. pls am looking for Chinonso? the lady said. I mistakenly took a glimpse at her cat-like eyes, and it instantly blurred my vission. who be Chinonso? Brainbox asked Bigie, i no know oh, Flow na ur Ibo name be Chinonso? Bigie asked me. no oh I replied. pls they is no one by that name here I said to the cat eyes lady. At that moment Man walked towards us, there he is the cat eyes lady said pointing at Man. Damn!! I had forgotten that Man was Chinonso. Brother Chinonso. The beauty to behold was putting on a dress that shone like the petals of a forget-me-not. But not as shiny as her skin. I was wondering how a guy as ugly or rather not too fine as Man could have a beauty queen as a sister, so i mistakenly said, Man u sure say na ur sister be dis?. no, no be my sister, na ur sister Man replied me. how she go be my sister, wey i wan marry her? Abi person dey marry him own sister? I said and i saw the cat eyes lady smiled in response. Flow, so u wan marry my sister, but u no get money na Man replied. He should thank his stars he didnt mention that i was a kpokponist by profession. She introduced herself as Chiwendu or Sophia. I preffered Sophia. She also told us that she was a 100level student of FUTO. Man your junior sister don enter sch, you dey here dey do kponkpon I almost said. Man and her younger sister were speaking Hausa as if they were Hausas. Only God knew what she was telling him. That was one thing i envied Man for. He could speak Hausa. In his phone conversations sometimes he would switch from Ibo to Hausa, to English, to Pidgin English. As Man and his sister walked into the room, i saw three Police officers entering the compound. Two Male officers and a Female officer. Where were you all on the night of Chief Ogbonnas murder? A male Officer asked us. I saw from his name tag that his name was Officer Tunde. we were at home, all of us I replied. so since u were all at home, what happened between 2300hours and 1am Another Officer asked. From his name tag, i saw that his name was a tongue twister. His name had more consonants than vowels. According to what i saw, his name was Ejunykpokpo, sounded like Enjoying kponkpon. Because the name sounded funny, i smiled. why are u smiling, do u think we are here for joke? the Female officer yelled at me. no Aunty Officer, naso my face dey. If i no dey smile, e go be like say i dey smile I replied. Her name wasnt Aunty Officer, but Aunty Officer Bimpe, sorry, Officer Bimpe(miss) according to her name tag. That meant she wasnt married. who go marry you sef, u think say any Ibo boy go marry Ofemmanu girl like you? I mistakenly said with a low voice, like i whispered it loud enough for my friends seating close to me to hear and not loud enough for the Officers to hear. It was a slip of tongue. So my friends laughed. what did u say? Officer Bimpe yelled at me and stood up. She even brought out koboko. Koboko a.k.a horse whip a.k.a chop and clean mouth. so na me u wan flog koboko, dem no born you well make you flog me I couldnt say that. i say what did u say she yelled raising her hand as if she wanted to flog me. Though she had not flogged me yet, but in the spiritual realm she had already flogged me and i could feel the tingling senstation of the pain in my back. So in other for the spiritual not to turn physical, i instantly switch on my lie clock to figure out the best lie to say. TIC...........TOCK, TIC..........TOCK, went my lie clock. Finally the clock stopped at about 1759hours. i said you are a very beautiful woman and you will make a good wife I answered. i tot u said something else Officer Bimbe said and sat down. that is what he said my guys defended me. so naso woman for flog me koboko, God forbid! i tot. now what happened between 2300hours and 1am Officer Enjoying Kpokpon or rather Ejunykpokpo asked. Tega started explaining with a mind blowing grammer. With words that could run ones stomach. Mehn! Tega could speak. A grammarian indeed if i must say. That kin Yanky English. we were sleeping momentarily and joyously, when the inconsiderate touts of the criminal underworld came calling, we all welcomed them to our humble abode with a bow and a pustrate as the King they were. They asked us if we had legal tenders to offer them, and we told them that a fardin wasnt with us. Althrough we remained unflappable and predictably silent even after my necklace and wrist watch went to the Real owners. Until all of a sudden, a trigger was pulled at the next room as the crow fly. After the gentlemen on black had gone, with so much stampede we rushed out to meet the gruesome, unholy and unfathomable murder of Chief, it was indeed a gory sight Tega narrated what caused me headache instantly. I couldnt tell what controled my both hands to come together to produce a clap. Others joined me clapping. stop clapping!! Officer Tunde yelled at us and we stopped clapping. At that moment, i suddenly noticed Officer Bimpe winked. I tot she was winking at me, so i winked back. wow! You can speak Officer Bimpe said and winked again. I instantly realized she initially didnt wink at me, but at Tega who was seating behind me. why dis one dey cut eye for Tega na, abi na because of dat small english wey Tega scatter? I fit speak am abeg i said to myself. I just couldnt tell why i hated her guts from that moment onward. Maybe it was because i was envious of the fact that she was falling for Tegas looks, his words and his intonation. so who else can tell us his own version of the incident? Officer Ejunykpokpo said. e be like say this Officer no understand the Big grammar wey Tega scatter oh I mistakenly said with a low voice and my guys laughed. I just couldnt tell why my brain couldnt control what came out of my mouth, i just couldnt tell why. what did u just say? Officer Ejunykpokpo queried. My lie clock told me to say, i said my friend here will tell you his own version of the incident pointing at Man. ok, go ahead, lets hear you Officer Ejonykpokpo said. ehen, Officer no be say i no fit speak English like Tega oh, but una gree make i use pidgin English nak una the tori? Man asked. go ahead Officer Tunde said. mehn! As we dey wayah better sleep oh, naso dem the mumu come show face. Them ask us weda we get money, we say we no get. The two of them wey enter our room be long throat sotey dem chop our food, one of dem even give me slap wey make my head begin heavy me like say i carry four people head. The one wey pain me pass be say them the fool carry our fine fine shoe, them even carry my waka about shoe wey i bring from Sokoto Man narrated the pidgin English version of what Tega narrated earlier and even more. The Officers went to Mama and Papa Ejimas room to also question them. After about 30minutes Officer Bimpe came to us and said, i will like one of u to come with us to the station to make a written statement of the incident. Before she finished saying that, Man said, make i follow una Officer. for where! make i com go station, make dem com say make i pay money to write statement, i no dey go anywhere i said to myself. not you, we need someone that can write, i think you can come with us Officer Bimpe said pointing at Tega. As Tega left with her, yeeeeeeeh!! Man see as the Officer yab you, oboy na big insult oh Snoop said and we laughed at Man. Snoop, you wey dey talk, you know English pass me? Man said. why i no go know English pass you, me wey na English i read for IMSU Snoop replied. Ok if na true say you read English for IMSU, tell me the past tense of Run? Man asked. that na primary two question na, the answer na Ran Snoop replied. you no get am, na before before the answer be Ran, the answer don change, you no know say English dey change everyday Man said, so if him no get am, wetin com be the answer? I asked anxiously. the answer no be Ran, the answer na Raned Man said. Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!! We made a roof raising cheer. Watchout for episode 20
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 09:36:40 +0000
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