Many years of my nursing career were spent commuting to and from the bay area. The drive averaged about 2 hours one way and soon became a routine part of my work day. Although I love music, there were the occasional times I listened to talk radio. If the music selection was slim, I’d even listen to the 24 hour news stations that give traffic reports every 10 minutes. My favorite station was based out of San Francisco; with all of the freeways and masses that commute to city from the Central Valley, it made these reports an absolute necessity. Katie and I are currently on one of our “getaways” to the Dublin/Pleasanton area. Early this morning, I got up to take a walk. It was at least two hours before the sun would show itself, and yet, the roads were already packed. I looked down the giant interstate and was amazed that the traffic was already bumper to bumper. Stopping, rolling an inch or two and stopping again. As I watched, if I squinted just right, the colors would blur together. I felt as if I stood at the edge of a Monet; prepared to step into the picture itself and become a part of it. Because of the chill, I walked back and sat in my car to thaw out. The radio sang in the back of my mind and it wasnt long before the traffic report chimed in. I wasnt really listening until the word “fatality” broke through the white-noise. I turned up the volume and concentrated. There had been a multi-fatality accident – nothing else was reported. What they did report were the fastest alternate routes drivers should take to ensure they make it to their destination on-time. The report lasted no more than 30 seconds, and then it was off to the next problem-area commuters needed to know about. I bet I have heard exact replicas of that report at least a hundred times throughout the years I commuted to different hospitals. Hundreds, even! For some reason, this morning was the first time I felt the leisurely way in which people’s deaths were explained as crass and repulsive. I wonder why? It made me nauseated. What type of person can listen to something like that and never think of it again? Then it dawned on me: I was that person. Nurses, Policemen and First Responders have to think like that in order to get through the day. To work in these fields, you almost have to joke about morbid issues like death, poverty and depravity of any sort – you have to do this to desensitize yourself to the most tragic aspects of life. The fact is, if we were dropped to our knees with every traumatic event, we ourselves could not properly help those who need it, STAT! After the patient has left the unit, there is about a 10 minute window to process what has happened and move on. These workers have a front row seat to see every level of evil known to man. Ive had to zip up body bags and help parents understand that their child may “live”, but will never really come back to them. Ive seen parents arrested for harming their children; their kids being removed from the abusive home – throwing them into a state of confusion and absolute hell. A tiny part of my humanity was taken from me throughout my span as a trauma nurse. I was left empty and I didnt even realize it. It’s been about 5 years since I have heard a fatality report on the radio. I said a little prayer for the families of the victims that morning. I guess the heart can heal, I guess your humanity can be replenished. I stand before you as proof - fulfilled and happy. I can feel again. Have a great weekend! Let’s talk on Monday, Ill bring the coffee. -Ruth
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 00:46:42 +0000
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