Marrying a Soldier Users Guide TROUBLESHOOTING: 1. In the first instance, please deal directly with your soldier. 2. Consult Congratulations and thank you for the decision to marry one of our soldiers. You may have elected to take a Private (with starter pack of Basic Training and Good Prospects), or you may have opted for the top of the range Warrant Officer Class 1(with High Power, and Command Decision Making). We here at the Ministry of Defence (Army) are confident that if you follow our User’s Guide you will have many years with your soldier. *MODEL RANGE: Private Lance Corporal or Corporal Sergeant or Staff Sergeant Warrant Officer Commissioned Officer - still being developed at our state of the art facility, the Royal Military Academy, Sandhurst. *For details on models, please observe who gives or accepts the most crap. ACCESSORIES: Married Quarters, Military Family, Military Community, Social Life, Comrades, Pride, and Heartbreak. SPECIFICATIONS: Height, Weight, Colour, Body Mass and Parentage are individually pre-set criteria. In standard models, the only variable component is Weight. This will be directly affected by Partner Maintenance (Please see separate booklet - Keeping Your Soldier and Keeping Him Happy). DEFAULT SETTINGS: Smart, Obedient, Courageous, Confident, Hygienic, Physically Fit and Proud. RANDOM SETTINGS: (See Optional Extras) Emotion, Fuel Consumption, Anger Management, Patience, Trust, and *Libido. *(This may increase in direct response to a period of separation - be prepared). QUALITY CONTROL: Our soldiers are regularly tested for endurance and reliability. Notwithstanding this process we do not accept responsibility for the condition of your soldier once he has been accepted into your life. Friends who have had a soldier for a longer period than you. 3. Consult the Families Liaison Officer or one of the list of agencies in the booklet - (What To Do When It All Goes Pear-shaped) 4. If in desperate circumstances, consult the Regimental Padre. 5. If having followed the aforementioned guidelines you feel you have completely lost the plot with your soldier we suggest that you consult a Marriage Guidance Counsellor. TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF USE: GENERAL The British Army reserves the right to confiscate, imprison, mentally, verbally and physically abuse your soldier whenever it deems fit. The organisation (henceforth known as ‘The Army’), may require to send your soldier into life-threatening situations or on extreme and extensive training exercises at short notice. Our objective is that when your soldier terminates his service with his country and The Army, he is still capable of continuing his life in a new, less arduous role. Albeit as a civilian. SERVICE AND SUPPORT: In the unfortunate instance that your soldier is damaged, we will affect repairs at a local Medical Centre or Dental Centre. If required he will be transported to a specialist repair facility at a British Military Hospital. We will do our utmost to repair him and return him to you in full working condition. Whilst we strive to maintain our soldiers in the best possible condition, it is regretted that on occasion a soldier may be damaged beyond repair. Should this heart-breaking situation arise, please be assured of our continued support. DISCLAIMER: Please accept our assurance that your soldier volunteered to be processed from basic civilian material to soldier. He was not enticed, cajoled, blackmailed, threatened, press-ganged, conscripted, or otherwise compelled to undergo military training. General Nuisance, MOD Paper Pusher ARMY HEADQUARTERS
Posted on: Wed, 04 Dec 2013 20:01:50 +0000
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