Masha Allah, we had lots of advice from yall for the brother thinking of marrying a second wife. Let me weigh in as well. The following are in no particular order, just thoughts as they pop up in my mind (preoccupied with marrying again now :-)). 1. No matter what anyone says, the Quran and Sunnah make it very clear that polygyny, in principle, is permissible. Some scholars even go so far as to say that the asl (default or basic rule) is marrying more than one (that is debatable though, of course). We certainly know that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had more than one wife (at one time, after Khadijah-may Allah be pleased with her) and many of the Sahabah (Companions) practised polygyny. So we can confidently say that it is prescribed in Islam. 2. As with many other things which are prescribed, there are certain guidelines/conditions that apply. Unfortunately, there are people who name conditions for which there is no evidence. Going by the letter of the law, the basic conditions are, for the man to be physically capable, for him to be financially capable of supporting both families, capable of treating both wives fairly/justly and then there are technical issues such as not combining between two sisters or between a woman and one of her aunts. As for there being a certain need such as the first wife not being able to have children etc, then these are certainly valid reasons, but not stipulated conditions. 3. Anyone who is thinking of marrying another woman (taking on more than one wife) needs to be well aware that this is not a small matter, but a huge responsibility, no less than marrying for the first time. He will be responsible for the second (or third and fourth wife) just as he is responsible for the first. A man will be held accountable before Allah for all his wives. 4. I would advise the man who wants to take on a second wife (after fearing Allah) to remember that he should not get into the marriage on a trial basis (as I say to those who are marrying for the first time as well). This woman is someones daughter and perhaps sister. Just as you would not want someone taking advantage of your daughter or sister, dont do that to someone elses. Go into the marriage for the long haul and dont have this attitude that, oh well, if it doesnt work out, Ill divorce her. She is not merchandise you pick up at the department store! 5. If you want to marry again and can meet the legal/sharee requirements, then fine. However, do not forget other aspects as well. Think about how this may affect your relationship with your present wife. It is more than likely that she will not be happy with your decision, but that is not what I am talking about. Many women may eventually get over it or learn to deal with it or cope. One does not expect this to be a cake walk (in general). What I mean is, if you are happy and pleased with your first wife, be prepared for the possibility of her feeling cheated or belittled or what have you. If that were to happen, how do you plan on dealing with it. Dont get me wrong, I am not deterring anyone, just giving advice. So in this case, what would you do? What if your first wife starts making life unbearable for you or starts demanding divorce because she says she cant handle sharing you? These are very real possibilities and one needs to factor them in before taking a decision. I am not saying a man cannot handle these challenges, but anyone thinking of doing this should think it through. 6. Just to clarify, the permission of the first wife is not an Islamic requirement. As a matter of fact, a man is not obliged to tell his first wife that he is marrying again either. Having said that though, I really dont think it would be wise not to inform her. Rather, by informing her you may avoid many potential future problems........just saying. So basically, my advice would be for him to fear Allah, make certain he knows the gravity of what he is thinking of getting into, think this through thoroughly and discuss it with people of knowledge and wisdom. Avoid discussing it with people just because they are friends. Perhaps another advice would be to talk to some good brothers who have made this decision and learn from them, first hand, how things are going for them. Talking to just anyone is not a wise choice as everyone has certain biases and very often speak out of emotion and not based on knowledge. The bottom line is that I (personally) would not deter anyone from making such a decision, but would encourage it if indeed they were capable and had the best of intentions. As for those who want to do it to try it out, you really dont want to know what I have to say to them
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 05:12:20 +0000
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