Match Report – NOOSA NECROMANCERS v WE GOT THE RUNS Date: Sunday, 27 July 2014 Venue: Caloundra High School Time: 10:45am Result: NOOSA NECROMANCERS (246/5 off 20) defeated WE GOT THE RUNS (96 all out off 19.1 overs) by 150 runs **Necro’s skipper Paul Wilson turns ‘Beast Mode’ on in decimation of We Got The Runs** Wow, another monster, monstered and monsterly performance by the ‘summoners of the dead’ – the Noosa Necromancers. I’m theming this match report to be sort of like ‘dark and evil’ because actual Necromancers are typically quite evil, our Necormancers side themselves wear black, contain plainly evil characters and brutalise people in evil ways (on the cricketing field, to clarify), and also because it is Monday and this line of writing fits my mindset, with Monday being ‘…the longest time before LMS kicks off again’ and thus being a figurehead for all things bad and evil in this world. So, let’s roll/troll. The deranged and ill-minded skipper, Paul Wilson, would lead his demonic brutes from the front today in a ruthless and dark assault which blasted the typically classy and resolute We Got The Runs pack into the darkest depths and corners of cricketing hell. And, because of the temporary disarray WGTR were put through today, coupled with the fact that when a bowler bowls bad they are said to be bowling ‘pies’, and because pies are a form of pastry/bakery item, along with buns, WGTR will, for today’s report only, be known as WE GOT THE BUNS. Clever huh? On a serious note, to their credit, and right from the get-go, I will note that despite this perilous match, We Got The Buns laughed all the way to their untimely cricketing deaths with their typical blend of great spirit, hilarious banter, impressive individual feats (@Sam Bennett, @Greg Blanch) and likeable dispositions. Simply put – a great bunch of lads. And, to quickly continue a trolling performance from last week’s report, the debate as to how to pronounce Quinn O’Keefe’s newly confirmed/locked in nickname “QOK” rages on. I was of the belief it was pronounced “QUOCK” (like quack, but with an ‘o’) but it seems there are a steady amount of people who have a different interpretation on the correct pronunciation (sorry Quock!). More to follow on that. And now, the news. LMS Journeyman Troy Firth would open with the aforementioned maniac (Wilson), however a Golden Globe award was Troy’s to rue as he was out caught (we’ll say evilly caught for continuity) from the first ball of the match! A bright spark and start for WGTBuns but from this point (for them) it was basically an increasing and variable shade of evil darkness. Matthew Akram-Batley strode to the crease and he and Wilson blasted away with utterly reckless abandon. Wilson achieved the legitimately impressive achievement of reaching 50 before Batley, roaring to his temporary retirement off just 20 balls. Batley, who is never in any mood for building an innings, retired soon thereafter, also blazing his way to a 20-ball 50 in what is becoming an all too familiar, and sickening if you are an opposition bowler, trend. Charl Botes and David Law joined forces (using some form of witchcraft I believe), but the spell misfired and consequently Law was out bowled for 3 off 2 balls. Botes, at the other end, had a frankly evil and menacing grin transfixed to his face as he utterly pounded the bowling into dust. I arrived just in time to see Botes thump 3 monstrous sixes, finishing his innings for the day unbeaten on 50 off a jaw-dropping 13 balls. Jack White came in, trashed a cut shot for six (at his all-time favourite ground) and was then out caught for 10 off 5, bringing in his twin brother/father Steve. Steve started in typical fashion, punching the ball around and rotating strike. Along the way, the frankly terrifying Jamie Malcolm was out bowled for a golden duck, bringing Paul Wilson, fangs still showing (oh yeah, he’s a vampire too), back to the crease. He and Steve “body fat 3.2%” White settled for about 14 seconds and then started tearing limbs off I Bought Some Buns once more in a savage, unrelenting and calculated display of death-overs-hitting. After 15 overs the score was a mind-numbing 175. Then Wilson and Steve pushed it to ‘video game cricket’ lengths of ridiculousness by going 16, 16, 17 and 13 off the next 4 overs (62 runs in 20 balls) to leave the score 237 with an over to go. In this time Steve cut or glanced basically everything for four, and Wilson was using his rune-enchanted blade to loft sixes at will. It was maniacal and superb. Right. One over to go then. Excellent bowling by Sam Bennett held these two escaped psychiatric patients to just 5 runs off the first 3 balls, and then he drew Wilson into a false stroke, with Wilson holing out to a cracking catch by Mads Mikkelsen-Murphy at cover. Steve, who had run about 7 by the time the catch was completed, was caught at the ‘wrong end’ (selflessly backing up) and was out to the dreaded ‘Double-Play’. Wilson was out for a monstrous 86 off 35 balls, Steve out for a sublime 43 off 22 balls. Awesome stuff. Batley and Botes returned, with Botes advising Batley something to the effect of ‘don’t you stuff* me over here Batley’, a thin smile creasing his lips (*portions of this statement may have been edited for consumption purposes). Batley clipped an elegant boundary to finish, giving Necro’s a savage and brooding and winged total of 246. With ball, as would be indicated by such a supreme and menacing total, some of the bowlers were in for some long, drawn-out water torture today. We’ll glaze over such deeds, as the punishment itself was sufficient, but Sam Bennett (4/39 off 4 overs) was brick-tough in an excellent, counter-punch kind of way and Ali “AB” Blanch (1/41 off 4) was typically reliable amidst this tidal wave of blood (hmm, not sure about that one, seems beyond ridiculous, which is saying something). AB was useful as ever though. Also as ever, Greg Blanch was nigh-on perfect with the gloves and jagged a catch and a wicked stumping to round out his duties and further his already insurmountable reputation as an amazing keeper. Right – I Saw A Bun opened up with Mads Mikkelsen and Casey Bennett, but the pair didn’t last too long this week, with Mads bowled for 1, Casey out caught for 7 and the typically uber-reliable Sam Bennett (Casey’s identical twin brother) was cleaned up for a golden pinger as an early rot set in, with Paul Wilson now visibly casting spells and using a dark chi to further his relentless cause for victory. Greg Blanch (30 off 22) and Quock (25 off 26) were typically reliable and gave the innings some structure, however the required rate continued to climb and both brave soldiers perished on their pursuit of this jagged, spiky and fearsome mountain. Ali B (16 off 16) chipped in before he was run out, and Mick Campbell (5 off 6) and Winston “Darren Pattinson” Hall (16 off 12) chimed some more runs in at the end, but it was not enough by a long stretch, with the innings ending on 96, some 150 runs shy. With the ball, Necro’s shared it around as is their style. Jamie Malcolm (2/12 off 3) shredded the stumps some more in another fine and damaging display. Troy Firth overcame his golden quacker by shanking 2/8 off 2.1 overs. These two were supported by fellow wicket-takers Charl Botes (1/10 off 2) and Matthew Wasim-Akram-Batley (1/15 off 3). Rounding out the duties for the Necro’s were David Law (0/20 off 3), Jack White (0/16 off 3) and Paul Wilson (0/15 off 2). Steve White snared 2 catches as keeper in yet another supreme performance. It must be noted that Botes, who has rightly earned himself a savage and damning reputation as a player not to be trifled with, has now got a career economy rate of 6.66. I’m not a particularly superstitious man, nor am I one who believes in ‘otherworldly’ events, however I am a man who appreciates numbers and that one popped my eye out when doing my standard weekly duty known simply as ‘check the averages of all 400 players in our system’. Noosa have now locked themselves in as the side to beat, with Ash Gray’s Swannies enjoying this slight backseat/underdog role. MAN OF THE MATCH: PAUL WILSON (NOOSA NECROMANCERS) – 86 off 35 balls and 0/15 off 2 overs Scorecard: lastmanstands.spawtz/SpawtzSkin/Fixtures/GameDetails.aspx?FixtureId=90112&LeagueId=1314&SeasonId=57&DivisionId=0 Author: LMS_Dayne
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 06:54:36 +0000
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