May 14th Morning Thoughts. This is a scary post to write, but here I go. I realize now that my insecurity has hurt others in the past. I never even thought it could. Its in my head, how could it hurt others?? Although I couldnt have changed being that way at that time, I want to clarify what I see. The root of the impact on others is that because of my insecurity within, I was desperate for love. This caused me to do things like: - Try to manipulate situations to be loved, like hiding parts of me or asking for lots of validation. - Be afraid of people who I looked up to because if they didnt love me then I was worth less - (Not worthless.) - Needing to be the topic of conversation in desire for attention because I had abandoned myself. - Ignoring people who did love me because they werent the ones I had to get. - Pretending to myself to like people just because they paid attention to me. I realize this is really deep and possibly pretty ugly to most of you, but I just have to let it out because I can see Ive done it. I didnt imagine that the war going on inside was causing problems for others, but in hindsight how could it not. I am so happy I was broken open last week because now I am in a turning point. I am more vulnerable than ever. I have touched a deep part of my soul that changed my standard of living. I have no idea where Im going but Im finally in beginning states of complete acceptance of all that I came from, all that I am, and all that I will never be. And in this space my compassion and understanding of others seems at its highest. My past and all that Ive been through makes more sense than ever before. I feel clear, grateful, energized and alive. In this moment what was once my baggage is now bags full of gifts. I am sorry to all that I have caused pain and I am grateful for my own pain. Amen.
Posted on: Wed, 14 May 2014 18:04:20 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015