Maybe Im just griping, and maybe its unjustified, but I have a few issues with the third and final installment to Peter Jacksons Hobbit trilogy. (Hang on to your butts): Points of issue: *SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT SEEN THIS ATROCITY* 1) What happened to the Arken Stone after Bard pockets it? 2) Where is the Catharsis? 3) Fili and Kili die protecting Thorins body on the field of battle, not individually while searching for a character that doesnt exist at the time. 4) Azog? 5) Tauriel? 6) Legolas + Plot Armour = ? 7) Thranduils pointless arrival at Erebor to get gems he gives less than a sh*t about and that are made a convenient plot point to involve the elves in the film, when in the book they are far more important. 8) Gandalf being an asshole the entire film 9) Eagles Ex Machina *facepalm* 10) Far too much telling instead of showing when it came to Thorins transformation into a crazy person (which was practically instantaneous). 11) Smaug lasted like...13 minutes at most? 12) What happened to the Wurms? Why didnt they involve themselves? 13) The Five Armies were: Men, Dwarves, Elves, Orcs, and Wargs, not Wurms and Eagles and Goblins, oh my... 14) Gandalf dropping the I knew you had the One Ring all along, line at the end. 15) Peter Jackson preventing anyone in the audience from feeling an ounce of sympathy for any character because something HAD to occur almost IMMEDIATELY afterward 16) WHO ARE THE OTHER DWARVES?! NO ONE SPOKE OR HAD ANY KIND OF CHARACTER! THEY JUST FILLED A TROUPE! 17) Those 50 endings, tho. 18) Galadriel going all Wytch-Elf for 30 minutes 19) 2-second scene with Beorn? 20) Underwhelming battle scenes that left nothing to the imagination 21) Dain II Ironfoot, Lord of the Iron Hills who, though a badass character, had also very little in the way of character development and just kind of...shows up. 22) The fact that this was the Third of Three films that could have been easily cut to two and altered slightly for time. 23) The fact that nothing happens to Alfrid 24) The fact that the Battle of the Five Armies itself lasts for about 2 pages in the book, and Jackson somehow made it last nearly 1/3 of the length of the film 25) What happened to the Children of Bard? 26) The fact that Kili - a prominant character in the book - relied solely upon Tauriel - an imaginary, made-up, non-existent elf lady - for character development, thereby taking away from the character himself. 27) The love-triangle between Kili, and 2 invisible elves 28) Bolg? 29) Legolas Double-Jump off of falling masonry over a chasm 30) The fact that it relied far too heavily on the Fellowship of the Ring in its endings 31) Go find Stryder (his name is Aragorn, but Im going to be an asshole and not tell you for the sake of a movie made 14 years ago), and take 40 years to do it - Thrandruil to an archway in a mountain 32) Also, BTDubbs, this means nothing for the plot, but your mother loved you. - Thrandaddy again, mostly to himself, and also thin air. 33) *suggestive alteration* How about instead of Bard using his eldest son as a Crossbow (yup...), why not have him die when Smaug hits the tower, thereby giving Bard some actual personal vendetta against the Dragon and not simply because hes a terrible person and his ancestors suck? 34) The fact that Thranduil spends a good chunk of the battle wandering aimlessly, looking at dead bodies, and suddenly he changes his mind and wants to go home. /rant DISCUSS!
Posted on: Wed, 07 Jan 2015 02:28:34 +0000
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