Maybe its because I was once mugged by two thugs with a gun. Or, maybe its because Im a lawyer who cant ever shut off her lawyer-ness (a number of ex-boyfriends would unhappily attest to that). Or, perhaps I am just a paranoid person with a fertile imagination that continually vacillates between, This completely unnerving situation would make a fantastic movie plot! and, Is this person about to go on a murderous rampage and Im his first hostage?, but I was approached by a young man on this train before it left the station asking if I wanted to buy candy for one of those probably fake, highly obscure causes. I donated ten bucks but told him - FOUR freaking times - to keep the candy. Something was definitely off with this guy, but my spidey-senses were busy trying hard to keep one hand on my Starbucks while rooting thru my wallet to hurry up with this fake-charity-candy-shakedown. Annoyed, yes. Mildly, but I was nice and polite even thru the not-one-but-two handshakes and his asking for my digits over an outstretched bag of M&Ms, and then sort of insisting I take his phone number when I repeatedly declined to give him mine. I did give him the kindest, Im not on the market smile, which was my way of actually saying, Please dont murder me as my way of letting him know that the only numbers of his I was interested in learning, would be those under his chin in a booking photo provided by the Department of Corrections. He packed up his candy in a plain, brown paper bag and went on his way. And now, hes back. Only this time, the train is moving. Oh, and heres a fun fact. HE HAS NO TICKET. He has just purchased a ticket (with my own blood money!) to the stop that coincides with the answer I gave him when he asked, Where are you going? (which is NOT where Im going) and now Im waiting to either get shanked by him, or feel sorry enough to buy his entire stash of fake-cause candy before I hit Croton Harmon. If he gets off the train with me, the man WILL know what its like to get a Hiiiiiii-Yaaa! karate chop to the neck, and I will know what its like to scream the phrase, And on second thought, I want my ten bucks worth of your fake-ass candy, jerk! as I grab the brown bag from his murderous hands and throw it at the first conductor I see as a big fat, Thanks a lot for looking out! token of my commuter appreciation. Ugh. People, but especially the women and girls out there, NEVER tell a stranger where you are getting off a train, unless that stranger happens to be the one, the only, Bradley Cooper. I hope this story makes a fantastic movie plot and nothing more.
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 21:44:06 +0000
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