Maybe it’s time to change things up? I could use some friendly advice. Now, just like everybody else, I got my last name when I was born, because that’s what my parents put on the birth certificate. It’s an old family name coming from my father’s side, going way back to some German immigrants. I was told it means something like, “house by the sea.” It’s kind of a nice, peaceful image, but it didn’t protect me from the twists and taunts made out of it by the bullies on the bus as a child. It’s OK. I got over that, long ago. Lately though, I changed my home telephone service to one that was offered by my local cable company. In addition to having a voice-answer feature, it also sends me an e-mail that includes an audio recording of the message and a full print out, in English, of the entire message, in readable form! Imagine that! So, here’s my question - Should I keep the same last name, given to me all of those years ago, or do I change my given last name to one of the ones that this Hi-tech Voice-to-Text convertor program has chosen for me? I’ve been called – Carl Baltimore, a few times. I had a – Carl Bolton, once. So far my favorite is a very recent – Carl Bottom Line! That seems kinda hip, especially if I were an accountant, economics major, or a corporate mogul. But, I’m afraid it would just give more fodder for the bullies. You see, besides the name, one of the main characteristics of the male members of the Bodamer family tree, is the near total lack of any measurable buttocks. It’s just not there. Doesn’t exist. The female members of the family escaped this shortfall altogether. But the men folk, well, lemme tell you – after the first parent-teacher conference with my youngest son’s first grade teacher, we had to go out and get him a few pairs of suspenders to hold his pants up. I had a partner in a video enterprise many years ago who used to try and get me riled up by asking me, “Hey Bodamer, where’s you’re a$$? How come you got no a$$?” I finally shut him up by responding, “Jack, I know I don’t have any a$$. Why do you think I hired you?” So, I figure Baltimore’s out – it’s already used by a city. Bolton’s out – used by that singer guy. Bottom Line? Why draw attention to what isn’t there. If I do decide to change my name, I’m leaning toward making it an homage to Al Capp and one of his Lil’ Abner characters. C’mon, who else wouldn’t want to read what a Hi-tech program would make out of – “This message is for Carl Btfsplk!”
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 19:32:37 +0000
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