Mea Culpa. I am guilty of a sin, and must make a confession. Theres also a lesson in here on how to be a better and more efficient person in the world. The height of my sinning was last Summer and early Fall. Whenever Id have a detractor here on Facebook (for example, on on of my page posts), Id often react strongly against them, sometimes in an unkind way. Im over that now. Theres a fine line to walk. Especially as a woman operating in this world, its part and parcel to want to support and help others. Id always tried to do so from a young age (even before the physical appearance matched the female gender). BUT. Id often be taken advantage of. For example, multiple times I loaned friends money... that never got paid back. I was too worried about pleasing them and being socially accepted, so I never pushed them to get it back. This I want to please them attitude set me back in many, many ways in life. I see the same happening for some of my clients, and I help them get rid of it. If youre going to be a leader in any area of human endeavor, you cant be worried about pleasing everyone. Its impossible. So, I had to rid myself of that please everyone thing. Last summer I was working with a mentor who had the opposite tendency. I started modeling that behavior of smashing the criticism and trying to not worry about ANYONE but myself. It was perhaps a necessary phase to fully break out of the people pleasing mode that Id been in.. but it wasnt fun, and it wasnt good for relationships. The problem with that mode is that it was a reacting against mode. If someone pushed, Id push back (hard). I was controlled by my reactions in the process of trying to free myself from the chains of other peoples expectations. Its impossible to gain freedom when youre reacting against stuff. Impossible. Last Fall and Winter I had the realization that Id become reactive, and that it wasnt healthy for me or my relationships with people. I started focusing on neutrality, instead. Neutrality means keeping a clear notion in mind of what you want out of life, and not letting anyone intrude on that. Yet at the same time, its dealing with others in a graceful, fair manner when they may try to intrude on that. Its being gentle but firm with them, rather than aggressively reactive. Its like one of the defensive martial arts, where you simply redirect the attackers energy, without explicitly attempting to harm them. Its so much better a place to be in life. Its essential for building a business... a lab... or anything else - to be able to stick to your vision despite the obstacles. And yet its vital to stick to your vision with grace and non-reactivity, rather than defensiveness. And so, for anyone to whom I showed that reactivity, I apologize. As we sometimes say with kids as they grow, I was going through a phase. We all go through phases, its just that I try to be very open about mine, since my role as a teacher requires transparency. How about you? How do you deal with people intruding on your hopes, dreams, and desires?
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 23:36:43 +0000
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