Meghan has been a friend of AWA since she was 14 and essentially grew up with us.. We are so proud of her strength and her vow to be dedicated to horses.. Please read her story. Meghan Whitney Dixon My new story Meghans Bullying Story. Hi, My name is Meghan Dixon, And this is my true story, Of my Bullying story. I have a Autism Spectrum Disorder called Asperger Syndrome. People always seem to treat me differently. I always look in the mirror and ask myself, What is wrong with me, Is it the way I look, Or the way I dress I just dont understand why? I dont think I will ever know why. I been bullied my whole life. This is my story. When I was in Elementary I was bullied, But when I got to middle school is when it got worse. I had to go to school in Rio Vista Texas. I seemed to be the bullies every favorite person to pick at. I was even bullied by the teachers and principle at that school. On top of that I have a disability that no one can see, Not all disabilitys are visible mine are invisible, I been mocked, teased, laughed at, hurt, bullied, judged, and rejected for things that are way beyond my control. I am also plus-size so this makes the bullying worse. I never been good at socializing or making friends with people, Because of my Asperger Syndrome. No one would accept me. I have no friends, When I tried to make friends with people It was a huge fail, Because they only wanted to bully me, And hurt me. No one wanted to be my friend. When I would react with hurt feelings, they would either laugh at me or say I was weird. It was as if I was on this crazy alien planet- and I was the alien! People would even pretend to be my friend, Just as I thought I had made a friend, They would start bullying me, And would not want anything to do with me. I couldnt understand what I had done wrong.The students at the school I went to, Made me feel like a parasite who infected the world. The bullies would tease me or tell me to do things, and then laugh at me. They would call me names like freak, retard, fat, ugly, and tell me I was worthless. I even been told to go kill myself, They even told me that God put me here as a Joke, That Im a mistake, They even said other things to me. They would always laugh at me. They did unimaginable things to me. The bullies would also trip me in the halls at school, They would start rumors about me, Say things that wasnt true, They would even push me out of the lunch lines. When I would cry or become upset and have a ‘meltdown’, they would stand there and laugh. I even had problems with my teachers. They told my Mom and me that I was being manipulative. They would say that I looked like I was a normal kid and that there was not anything wrong with me except that I was spoiled. The school district would even bully my Mom, We even had a therapist and Doctors go up to the school about the bullying, They got bullied too.There was even times when the teachers would make us pick groups and have a partner, No one wanted me in their group, They would fight about having to be partners with me. I even remember in high school the boys getting into a fist fight because they didnt want me in their group for the class project, And I got in trouble by the teacher for it. They acted like I had a disease that was contagious, And they didnt want near me. The teachers hated me. I was even told by teachers that I was unteachable. Sometimes when I would get bullied, The teachers would take the bullys side and would call me a liar. They defended the bullies. The principle would even do the same thing, It got the where when I tried to get help with the bullying, The teachers and principle, And even the school board would defend the bullies and take their sides, They called me a liar. One teacher in 6th grade gave the students permission to bully me. That teacher would even bully me. The teachers would take the bullys side and would call me a liar. The teachers refused to help me with the bullying, Some teachers told me Its Life deal with it. I have never been asked to spend the night a friend’s house, nor have any come to my house. I have never been invited to parties like other girls my age. I was the awkward outcast girl In school, Nobody wanted to sit by, talk to or be friends with. I even got voted off all the lunch tables, I had to eat lunch in the bathroom, Because No one wanted me at their table. The very first thing they also did when I got Diagnosed, Was the Doctors put me on Medication. I been on over 500 different types of medication through out my life, It made me gain weight. So I am Plus-Sized, I always been bigger and heavier then others. People always make fun of me and treat me differently because I am Fat they say! It really hurts me. All through Middle School, And High School, The boys and other students always talked about how ugly, And Fat I am. I was rejected by lots of people. I still from this day get told, That Im not pretty, And get judged because I am bigger. I even get told, That I am stupid. I was never able to go to prom in High school for this reason, And because the students there just did NOT like me. The bullying made me have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, And Depression. I would have panic and anxiety attacks every morning because, I did not want to go to school, I would even have melt downs. My Asperger Syndrome become very sever from all of this. I was lashing out at my family members, I had melt downs everyday, I even had a lot of anger problems. I would explode at my family members. The bullying then led to my behavior to become violent. I then had to get on Anti-Psychotic medication, I had to also take medication for Depression, And Anxiety, They did not work. The pills just did damage to my body. I couldnt never sleep at night, If I did fall asleep, It was because I cried myself to sleep. Most nights I would stay up having a anxiety and panic attack, About what is going to happen the next day. I become so afraid of people. I become VERY depressed and suicidal. I would cut and burn myself. I would even take pills and would try to over dose, That didnt work. I was becoming a VERY different person, I didnt want to be. I wished I was dead, I also thought that if I killed myself, That it would all be better. I didnt understand why I had to live this unhappy life. It was as if I was broken and lost inside a world that didnt want me. I had no self esteem at all. I hated myself, I seen myself as the most ugly girl to ever walk the earth. I hated the way I looked, I hated my skin, my body and my hair. I felt worthless. The school I went to also didnt believe that I had a disability because they said I dont look like I have a disability. They told my Mom that I was just a spoiled brat, lazy, And that I was manipulative. I didnt understand why they hated me so much. I tried a Charter school, I was bullied by the students the same way there. I gave up on everything, I felt like I was never going to be good enough, But just as I think all hope is gone, My dad gets me a horse named The King Elvis. The King Elvis was a rescue horse, My Dads friend saved him for me. He told me when I first met The King Elvis, That life has not always been good to him. When I first seen this horse, I thought What happened to this horse He had a drooping lower lip, And his cheek bone on the right side of his face was missing half of his cheek bone from the abuse he went through. Thats when I realized, That The King Elvis is just like me, But the only difference is he had physical scars people could see, And I have emotional ones. My Dads friend let me take The King Elvis home with me, He knew that we could make each other happy. That horse saved my life. He gave me a second chance at life, And I gave him a second chance. The King Elvis showed me so much love and compassion. He gave me compassion when no one else would. He even helped me turn my Aspeger Syndrome in to a gift. That horse become my best friend. He is what helped my cope and get through all the bullying and abuse I went through from school. I began working with all different kinds of horses, Shortly after I started riding the horse, I realized that once I got on to the back of the horse, That all my problems I had just melted away. I even got to compete in horse shows and this gave me my self esteem back. I would win 1st and 2nd places at the shows, And for once in my life, It felt like I could succeed. The King Elvis was always there for me. When I would get bullied, I can talk to my horse, And they listen to me, They even let my lay my head on their shoulder and cry. The King Elvis, Carried my through my darkest days, He carried me when I needed a friend. I would go and talk to him and ride him for hours, Some days I would just come home and cry for hours on his shoulder his mane would catch my tears, And he made me feel safe. The King Elvis helped me over come Anxiety, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, And Suicide. Here is a poem I wrote for The King Elvis, “The King ElvisI remember the day I came to save you, I knew that I needed you as much as you needed me. This is the place I will stay, this is the place I will be, forever just you and me. When I looked into your eyes and you looked into my eyes, it was like you could read my mind. You would never let me fall behind. I knew you were treated bad, and I knew you were sad. You would never give up on me as I would never give up on you. Oh, how could anyone do this to you, you have two big brown eyes full of love and a heart of gold. I will never let you go. You are the part of me that I need, the part that makes me complete. You are the true meaning between love and friendship. You take my pain away. On a rainy day you brighten my days. You make my world a better place. I will never let you fade away you are here to stay.” - Meghan Dixon I had some of the best times of my life with that horse, The King Elvis passed away, Due to old age, But now I have my horses Dunner, Ebony, And The Great Cass Oles Beau. I then had to drop out of school, The bullying got too much for me to handle, When I got to high school it was A LOT worse. I will not be getting a diploma, Or a education, Because of bullying. I feel a whole lot better that I am out of school. I still get bullied from people over the internet and people outside of schools, But riding and working with horses is how I cope with the bullying. The horse has really transformed me. Horses saved my life, I would not be alive today if it was not for the horse.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 02:17:02 +0000
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