Member Bishop’s missed-opportunity The International Advocacy and Duty Free Sub-Committee is disappointed at Member Bishop’s failure to raise the issue of Sir Harold Holt at her final appearance before the United Nations Security Council. For over twelve months Member Bishop (Puffer Fish Category) has earned the respect of fellow members through her masterful role as the warm-up act before substantive discussions on meaningful issues. Her unique comedic style and hilarious rendition of a brain-damaged dolt determined to stand her ground even in the face of science, global morality and common sense, has been described in credible theatrical circles as ‘Imelda Marcos meets Blackadder’. Who could forget Bishop’s five-minute routine attacking Copernicus’s heliocentric worldview as ‘inspiring terrorists the world over’, her rejection of Newton’s first law of motion as ‘inspiring the ISIS death cult’ and her dismissal of the bogus claim by 95% of the world’s marine biologists that climate change is destroying the Great Barrier Reef? Indeed, Member Bishop’s theatrical use of a bucket of black dust as evidence of the ‘on-going vibrant biodiversity of the reef’ was so uproariously hilarious it even caused the notoriously dour Russian delegate to involuntarily soil his trousers. However, we are extremely disappointed that Member Bishop failed to capitalise on her status as an internationally celebrated clown to press the matter of Sir Harold Holt at a multilateral level. To be sure, the mere mention of Sir Harold’s name would have triggered a predictable outburst of hysterical objections from the Chinese delegation. It is also true that genuine international action will continue to be thwarted until UN reforms deny China its Security Council veto on all matters relating to the suspicious disappearances of foreign leaders. But these are not excuses for diplomatic timidity! Bishop had a moral and political obligation to raise the Holt issue if only to remind our international audience of the ongoing injustice that is Sir Harold’s likely kidnapping by Communist Chinese submariners. We hope that Member Bishop’s maleficence on the Holt issue is not a result of fame going to her already outsized head. Until now we have chosen to ignore the haughtier demeanour that has followed her recent appearances on the cover of ‘Harold’s Bizarre’, the HHDRS’s mass circulation in-house magazine, and ‘Cockeye’, the international journal celebrating narcissistic personality disorders. We turned a blind eye to her repeated attempts to leverage her standing as one of the world’s preeminent diplomatic buffoons to gain access to the Sir Harold Holt Cigar Lounge, a privilege typically reserved for Golden Circle membership categories (11 tiers above the lowly Puffer Fish Category). We also refrained from commenting on her unauthorized use of the southern car park (Rhino Horn Category and above ONLY), request for a personalised sedan chair for moving around the HHDRS grounds and even her use of a ridiculous faux French accent and the coughing fits that followed her sudden uptake of smoking (replete with ivory cigarette holder!) during the recent visit of a delegation from the Charles de Gaulle Escape to England Commemoration Society. But the most egregious act of self-referential mania that we have hitherto chosen to ignore occurred last month when a concierge at the indoor snorkelling arena overheard Member Bishop muttering to herself about wrestling control of the HHDRS from founder and current national convenor, Dr Erstwhile Truthwright. We have been willing to overlook this pattern of delusional narcissism for pragmatic reasons - vis-á-vis, Member Bishop’s access to the kinds of international forums needed to secure justice for Sir Harold. However, her determination to treat such forums only as a vehicle for her aspirations as a stand-up comic, her refusal to raise the matter of Sir Harold Holt’s so-called ‘disappearance’ with the UN Security Council, and her thinly camouflaged leadership delusions within the HHDRS itself means we can no longer ignore her indulgences. The Committee advises that Member Bishop is henceforth ‘on-notice’ and that any future actions inconsistent with her current membership category will draw sanctions ranging from in-house fines to a demotion to Sand Flea level. The Professor International Holt Issues Monitoring Unit International Advocacy and Duty Free Sub-Committee
Posted on: Thu, 20 Nov 2014 23:38:50 +0000
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