Messing with Telemarketers: Callus Interruptus IV- *Ring* Me: Hello? Them: Hello sir! How are you today? Me: Ain’t nothin’ but a thang… Them: Excellent sir! I’m calling from [A Payday Loan Firm]. I understand you are looking for short term financing, is that right? Me: Yo yo yo. Them: Can I know why you are looking for funding? Me: I really need to diversify my artistic investment portfolio. It is a little Impressionistic heavy right now. And you know what the rap stars say, “Mo Monet’s, Mo Problems...” Them: What? Me: That’s my impressionist of the situation anyway. Them: I do not understand sir. Me: Degas, please… Them: … *Click* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Ring* Me: Hello? Them: Hello sir! I understand that you are interested in furthering your higher education. Is that correct? Me: Absolutely! I’m watching Animal House, Old School, Van Wilder, and Sesame Street simultaneously to get ready for my college experience. Them: Um… Sir… Me: Yes? Them: I get the others… but what does Sesame Street have to do with going back to college? Me: I’m nurturing my inner child while I watch the others… *5 seconds of silence* Them: Oooookay… Me: And Maria is HOT! *5 more seconds of silence* Me: DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!!! Them: … *Click* -------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Ring* Me: Hello? Them: Hello sir! How are you today? Me: Intermittent failure in the long range sensors, but I expect that the recalibration this evening will sort it out. Them: I’m glad to hear that sir! I’m calling with [Healthcare Locator Service] and understand that you are looking for healthcare coverage, is that correct? Me: Indeed I am. Is that something you can help me with? Them: Absolutely sir. We are [Healthcare Locator Service] have access to hundreds of firms so we can provide you with the coverage you need at the cost you can afford. Me: Excellent. Them: Ok, sir. First, do you have any pre-existing conditions we would need to know about? Me: I have advanced, third stage, anal ventriloquism. Them: Advanced… third stage… what was it again? Me: Anal ventriloquism. Them: *sigh* So you are talking out of your ass… Me: If you want to be insensitive about my condition… Them: I don’t have time for this… *Click*
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 13:00:00 +0000