Milan Kundera in The Unbearable Lightness of Being once wrote that We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come. We make our choices and theres a sense of loss involved: when I choose one direction in life, I lose the possibility of another. That moment, that life-path, is and can never be the same. Ive found that one of the hardest challenges Ive had in my life is watching the people I love the most hurt themselves or destroy their lives without myself having the absolute power to step in and change things. To me, theres almost nothing more painful, with the exception of losing that person altogether. And, sometimes, the death of a loved one is almost easier (dare I say), because you have a grieving process, a reason to think that person is at rest, and theres the natural inclination, after a while, to move on. At times, when the draw is strong and you care for someone, its very difficult to let go and still watch the self destruction take hold, over and over. Love doesnt let go, easily -- so Ive found -- and for better or worse, I grew up learning that we should fight for and never give up on the people we loved and cared for. These are patterns and templates in our lives, frames of behavior weve learned; we drew lines in the sand with the stick of experience until the tide washed in to make those lines disappear, which, on a brighter note, means change is possible, but that no line we draw can stay. Make note of that permanence. Who makes that change? There are no heroes. We cannot save people. People must save themselves. Even when people make life-altering, life-changing spiritual decisions, these are decisions, personal choices, but with every choice comes a strategic kind of loss. Something cannot stay. That lingers in the back of my mind. Its heavy in my chest, today. My head is with my work, but my heart is with the people who struggle and suffer with almost insurmountable obstacles in their lives.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 13:28:35 +0000
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