Milonga Etiquette: Is it ok for women to ask men to dance? I have been asked this questions a few times lately. It is not proper etiquette for a woman or a man to directly and verbally ask someone to dance. In tango, we use cabeceo, which means that both and neither are asking. In other words, we both make eye contact and then we both nod our heads and then we head to the dance floor. So, who asked who? We both made a conscious choice to look at one another, to hold our gaze and to both nod. No one imposed anything on the other person. This system is in place to protect both women AND men. If the women do not want to dance with a guy for whatever reason (he hurts them, he smells, etc) then all they have to do is not look at him.. or if they do, by mistake, just dont hold his gaze or nod. Look away quickly. It protects the men in exactly the same way and protects our egos from being verbally denied publicly. Now, many women claim to have a hard time finding a partner to dance with. Here is my advice: 1. During the first song of a tanda, have your head up looking for potential partners. I cant tell you how many women complain to me about not getting asked to dance and then a new tanda starts and I look and they are deep in conversation, looking through their purse or texting on their phone. 2. Put your freaking cellphones away. I personally hate seeing people text at milongas. I certainly will not ask you to dance if I see you constantly texting. Milongas are social events, so be social. If you spend half the milonga texting that is telling your fellow dancers that you do not like them and had rather be communicating with someone else. 3. If you really want to dance with a guy, dont walk up and ask him to dance. Start a conversation and if you are very bold, perhaps say something like, I would love to dance with you at some point this evening. That does not put him on the spot, but lets him know that you would be open to a dance. He might even ask you to dance right then, but dont be upset if he does not. I know that it can be tough when there are many more women at a milonga than there are men, but there are traditions and guidelines which should be respected when dancing tango. Are there exceptions, yes.. but they are rare: 1. There are some women that travel long distances AND I usually dance with them. So if they are leaving soon, they may ask me and it would not bother me. 2. Women might ask a NEW dancer who might be sitting alone and shy about asking someone to dance. Feel free to ask any other questions or check out this article that I wrote about General Milonga Etiquette. tangology101/main.cfm/title/General-Milonga-Etiquette/id/74
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 22:38:50 +0000