Mistakes and relationships. I have made a lot of mistakes when it came to relationships. Relationships of all sorts... I am finding that the older I get the more I have to manage my relationships with people. Let me explain.... There are a handful of people that I consider close friends. Notice I said close instead of real. A lot of people like to use the word real to insinuate that if a person doesnt do what they want them to do they arent capable of being a real friend. You see people banter about this nonsense on social media all the time. Some of the same people that have not a giving or nurturing bone in their body. Not that they arent capable, they just dont know any better. However, this is debatable depending on how you look at it. So, when I say close I mean, these are people that I know when things get tough I can pick up the phone in a heartbeat and ask for help. This isnt a nod against anyone else that is reading this post and considers me a friend. I am just saying that, not everyone falls into that category and thats fine. Its how things should be. We clearly know who we can make 3am phone calls to, and if we dont know we need to ask those questions now. Now, when I say I have to manage my relationships, what I mean is this... There is a need on my part to make sure that I am doing what I can to nurture and maintain those close relationships. So that could be, for example, making a phone call every week to ensure you are ok. Or, visiting and making time to hang out. I admit I am bad with this because I am always busy, but very conscious of the fact. Consider that women are more prone to do this with their friends more often than not, which is a perfect example. Men, not so much. If you pay attention to women you can see that friendship is high on their list of values. They will go to blows if you mess with someone they care about. But what I am finding on my way to the age of 34 this month, is that relationships are important. In my 20s I didnt think much about nurturing and keeping a relationship, but now I think its important that we humble ourselves and embrace the loving parts of our personality in maintaining good relationships. When you are repeating this pattern of people in and out of our life, there is only one answer: YOU When you find that your engagement with person after person is problematic, when you find that you are alone a lot, when you find that you have difficulty connecting and keeping people around, its most likely you. This is not to say that you shouldnt be equally managing bad or toxic relationships, but consider its not all about you, all the time. This is very difficult to do. Even with a person with the best intentions this may or may not work all the time. Consider, even at your level of consciousness, you just like them, will have to contend with your ego and an equally imperfect person who has an ego just the same. Your ego isnt going to make these compromising and high level decisions. It has the capacity to make those decisions but you have to train your brain to think this way. Managing your relationships require you to do whatever is necessary to ensure that other people are comfortable around you. This is not people pleasing. It is however making an intentional effort to consider someone else feelings and opinions over your own. Ive made mistakes, huge mistakes in this area. My mother said to me a few weeks ago, no one is on an island. We all need help, which is true. At the end of the day your relationships may potentially be the only thing you have left, which is why we should be more intentional with holding ourselves to a higher standard.
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 11:23:43 +0000
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