Monday, May 12, 2014 You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Intimacy We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the persons character defects, and then make it so big its all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance. We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy. We may tell ourselves we dont want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs. Sometimes, we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who arent available for intimacy - people with active addictions, or people who dont choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch. Were afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. Were afraid that closeness means we wont be able to own our power to take care of ourselves. In recovery, were learning that its okay to let ourselves be close to people. Were choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesnt mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, Were learning that we can own our power with people, even when were close, even when the other person has something we need. Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when thats appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.
Posted on: Mon, 12 May 2014 15:58:11 +0000
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