Monday Morning chat I had to have with myself to keep me going: (cause sometimes it bes like that ;) People are going to often disappoint, and Im quite un-christ like (as my Grandma would say) by choosing to cut those out of my life who do so. Im starting to realize that its quite a lonely life when you cut almost everyone out.... but then I somehow feel better off for the moment because Ive deleted the people in my life who I feel are dragging me down or bring negativity (blood or not) and then my emotional side used to take over and I would break at some point or get too lonely and let them back in. Some for the right reasons and some for the wrong. And my later twenties are supposed to be the time in my life where I truly get my shit together on all fronts, so that I go into my thirties somewhat accomplished, thriving, level headed and rational. (Thats the plan anyway) THEN, this morning I had an epiphany. My grandma, NEVER, no matter how much I or anyone else may of disappointed her, ever rejected me or anyone else, at anytime. I always say I want to be so much like her, but how can I when Im not walking in my faith as she did to be a forgiving person and subsequently loving because of her inability to forsake anyone she held close or dear? Im working on it, but its freaking tough when your goal is to try and rid yourself of negativity and you end up cutting of the world because you just get tired of trying to figure out whos genuine and whos wasting space in your life. My epiphany concluded with me realizing, these were never my battles to bear. These were never my burdens to take on because I prayed about God removing the negative people and things from my life long ago.....I just forgot to have faith, and thats where I went wrong. In me not having faith in His timing and His ability to honor my prayer, I wasted energy being someone that Im not. My grandma, ALWAYS has faith. If I had half of her patience, Id be better off. So now I have a new prayer to replace the frustration with, Patience, Patience to sustain my Faith!!
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 15:31:39 +0000
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