Monday evening. Hot summer’s day. San Francisco. Buxom blonde Susan (35), trudges up the stairs to second floor apartment. Holding two heavy brown paper grocery bags in the crooks of both elbows. Hand-bag strapped over her left shoulder. Tired. Irritable. Presses bell. No answer even after five pushes. Where the **** was John? Probably doped, sleeping. Phew! That husband of hers! Puts grocery down. Hunts for key from the mess in her hand-bag. Opens door. Walks in. Shades are drawn. Room dark. Incense thick in the air. John sits on the floor, cross legged. Eyes closed. Chanting unintelligibly. “Hey John!” (twice) “Shhhh…..” “What’re you doin’?” “Shhhh…. Don’t disturb me” “But what the **** are you doing?” “Shhhh… Don’t shout. I’m meditating”. “What the **** is that? What are you murmuring” “Shhhh… Don’t swear. I’m repeating a mantra”. “What’s a mantra?” “It’s a magic word.” “Sounds like voodoo. Where did you get that from” “Shhhh….Talk softly. I got it from an Indian Swami, Gurooo Baba Nath Jee.” “What does it do?” “It solves all sorts of problems.” “Well….. Tell me what it is, I’ll use it too” “Uh..huh….” John makes horizontal movements with his head, “Can’t tell you what it is. Guroo Baba Nath Jee said if I told my mantra to anyone, it would shed its power. Then I’d have to pay him another 100 dollars to reactivate it” “Gawd.. No! You actually paid for it?” “500 dollars” says John, eyes still closed. “What! You useless, unemployed prick! You paid 500 dollars of my hard-earned money to some Hindoo conman for a useless mumbo-jumbo mantra which you won’t even tell me?” “Guruji said not to share it with anyone or it will lose its power to make my deepest wish come true.” “That does it! I can’t take it anymore.” Susan rushes to her room, crying loudly. Within five minutes, she’s out of the bedroom lugging a suitcase which she deposits outside the open front door. She looks back and yells “I’m leaving! I want a divorce! You’ll hear from my lawyer”, before slamming the door shut. A minute after the sound of her clicking heels fades, John opens one of his two eyes, puts both arms up and exclaims “It works!”
Posted on: Mon, 01 Jul 2013 12:55:44 +0000
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