Mookies friend Byron is a prolific writer having over a dozen books with his name on the cover but has also written several romantic novels under a pen name. A little over a year ago Byron had the idea of writing an expose about mail order Russian brides. He decided the best way to research the mail order bride business was to travel to Russia where he would infiltrate the seedy world of Russian organized crime disguised as a mail order bride. At the age of 72 the years had caught up to Byron but with the help from his personal trainer, Rachel Lawyer, over the course of a year he lost 40 pounds and reduced his BMI from 30.9 to a lean and mean 25.1 which reduced his waist size from 39 inches to a trim 32 inches. Byron also trained in hand-to-hand combat with an expert in martial arts for 8 months to prepare for his adventure. Byron left on a flight to Russia two weeks ago and Mookie received his first email from his friend tonight. It seems poor Byron had a difficult time posing as a mail order bride due to his age but after convincing his contacts to put his profile online he was snapped up within an hour by an 82 year old sheep rancher in Wyoming whose screen name is Big Melvin. Melvin communicated with Byron through the website and learned that the old man had bad luck with his previous choice who, while very young and pretty, ran away when she realized Melvin lived in a remote cabin with a dirt floor and that Wyoming winters were not unlike those of Siberia. Melvin was about to give up when he ran across the profile of Byron, AKA Natasha, and decided that a woman that ugly had to be tough, tough enough to face blizzards, below zero temperatures, and would be able to work on the ranch from sunup to sundown. Big Melvin even complimented Byron on his mustache saying that facial hair was very practical in Wyoming because it insulates the face against the bitterly cold wind which often results in wind chills of 50 below or less. Big Melvin did not tell Byron this but Mookies friend assumes his biggest attraction to the old rancher was the cost, instead of 18,000 rubles for the typical Russian bride the mobsters were only charging 175 rubles plus traveling expenses, one way for Byron and return tickets for Vlad his chaperone. Byron tells Mookie he is scheduled to fly to Montana by a commercial airline and then into Wyoming on a small charter plane where he will meet Big Melvin in person. Byron says he has all the documentation he needs to complete his book and asked Mookie to meet him in Montana and to bring a big club. When Mookie asked why a club was required Byron wrote that a handler comes along with all mail order brides to make sure they arrive at the final destination and to attempt to exhort as much money as they can by the threat of physical violence. Luckily, probably because they figure Byron is too old to run fast or far, they are sending a small mobster named Vlad instead of one of the usual chaperones who are typically bulky brutes covered in tattoos and scars. Byron assures Mookie that Vlad, in his excitement of his first trip to deliver a bride, will not be difficult to subdue and a good bop on the head should do it. Mookie is opposed to violence of any kind so he wonders if any of his FB friends would like to go to Montana and save Byron? Mookie is posting pictures of Byron before and after he went on his training regime and another subject he thinks is Byron, but cannot be sure, that was found on the Russian mail order bride website.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 01:34:09 +0000
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