Morning December 12th, 2014 Meredith has a cold. Most of the time she is pretty happy. When she feels a little tired she is a very temperamental little girl. Because she is so easy to manage most of the time, I think I feel a little more emotionally for her than I might under different circumstances. Having her off a bit means I have to stay a bit closer to her because she wants someone to be closer. I don’t mind. Getting anything else done just has to wait. I just don’t have the God given ability a mother would have with a child. I do the best I can and hopefully my best is good enough in the majority of situations with Meredith. Meredith wants to walk everywhere now. She can hold on to the table and walk around it. The same with anything else she can grasp, sofas, chairs, her little play chair and on and on. When I make myself available we walk quite a bit around the house. If I am sitting across the room from her, she will crawl to me now, complaining most of the way. I ignore her whining and encourage her to crawl to me. She is up on her knees now and can crawl slowly over to me. Put together a baby that is a bit more sensitive than usual because of a cold and three shots the other day and Meredith is just not herself. I think about how much I have been off my mark as well. When life is a struggle the thing to do is in some way work through the struggle. I am not one to tell others how to deal with difficulty. I only know what I have to do. Recently some things have become evident after so many months of indecision and confusion. “Instead of comparing our lot with that of those who are more fortunate than we are, we should compare it with the lot of the great majority of our fellow men. It then appears that we are among the privileged.” Helen Keller What our family experienced in Birmingham with Kendra was the proverbial “worst nightmare.” There are things I saw and experienced that I hope I can find a way to lock away far from my heart and my mind. I have PTSD now, I cry at the drop of a hat. I never know when I can talk about Kendra without sorrow, or fall into a deep feeling of loss just at the mention of her name. I still cry myself to sleep from time to time. I still feel frozen in a chair now and then and don’t want to move. And I know that what I experienced is not as difficult as what others have gone through personally or with a loved one. I know because of about thirteen years of teaching children that suffered from traumatic disease or violent injury to their bodies or their mental health. I know because there were patients in the MICU at Birmingham that rarely or never had anyone come to see how they were doing. I know these things as I emerge from the darkest part of the journey and begin to feel life a bit. The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. William Arthur Ward I have always considered myself a realist. I learned that waiting for things to change or expect change in my life was a foolish waste of time. My situation was such that the only way I could expect anything to be better or different for I was to do it for myself. Some in my past would say I was a pessimist. Maybe I was sometimes. Most of the time I simply took what I was handed and went with it. If it didn’t measure up to others beliefs of what could be done; well, that was their problem. This new journey is in my hands. I ask and pray for direction every day, many times a day. God expects me to listen to him and lean on him to guide me. I’d say that is reality, the reality of faith and belief that some parts of life are too big for me to take on alone. Maybe a bit of the optimist will emerge in me. Maybe it won’t hurt so much to believe that there is still a place for me to move on and become part of life again. Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. , Isaiah 12:2 When one sees the word “behold” at the beginning of a verse, pay attention. This is like a blinking light to get your attention. Behold is an interjection here, a strong word used to get one’s attention. Don’t overlook any verse that begins with behold. In this case the message is crystal clear. God my salvation, my savior waits for me to trust him, to walk with assurance that anything I fear will be taken care of by God in His time and His way. The Lord Jehovah is God and we answer to God and He speaks to us with authority. He gives us mental strength, physical strength, spiritual strength to persevere. His song is our praise for God through our words and fear of His power and grace. Above all our salvation, our deliverance from all that is in this world, the sin and the nature of sin is ours through faith. God has lead people that have seen and experienced so much more than I have or ever will know. Humility and faith is the message I keep hearing, keep seeing. Isaiah was assured over and over that God would be with him in very dangerous situations. Isaiah had to believe God and he had to have faith that he would emerge from places and situations that might have conquered others. God has made that promise to all of us. It’s time I take another step and trust, not be afraid. God is omnipotent and gracious. Dad Please pray for Ed and Meredith. Meredith and Ed feel a bit under the weather. Please pray for me to believe and follow God no matter how much I hesitate when memories rise. Pray for Shirley, after all she has to deal with me. I know she needs comfort at times. Blessings for your needs.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 11:58:00 +0000
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