Morning December 16th, 2014 Meredith is still dealing with some stuffiness and I think her gums are bothering her as well. She still wanted to walk around the coffee table and stand up and sit down with her little play chair. Her nature is to be active and playful. As the day turned out, her activity was short in duration. She would get a bit grumpy and cry a bit. Then she would sit down in my arms and fall asleep. We did this four times today. I felt a lot of empathy for her. I prayed that she would rest and feel better from her naps. At the end of the day she was a little less touchy and her appetite was very good. I have great admiration for mothers and others that take care of their children full time. I truly do enjoy my time with Meredith despite the difficult moments we are experiencing now. Meredith can crawl well now and will go anywhere she wants to go. I have always been vigilant with her. Now I have to be quick and alert because she can crawl to where she wishes and also pull up in many instances. The lower limbs on the Christmas tree bear marks from her visits and the nice composition of ornaments has been permanently altered. I have pretty good patience with kids so I try and show Meredith how to have a “gentle” touch when she wants to grab a bulb or some other decoration. We can communicate a little more now. Meredith is learning how to shake her head from side to side to mean “no.” She points at things like her balloons and a few toys when she wants them. When we sit in my chair, she will point to the lamp light because she like to have the light illuminated. Meredith says, “hi dada,” to everyone now. She has said “hi papa,” a couple of times and of course I am just tickled when she does that. Meredith is progressing, which makes the special education teacher inside of me leap and the “regular” teacher in me want to figure out what is next for her to conquer. Meredith is teaching me to look at everything that is before me and to take on the difficult things I have to do with energy and courage. I am learning from her and from some of you that write to me to lay my needs at God’s feet and to hold my love up to Him. Nothing should come before God, nothing. One person that wrote to me said something and it really touched me and helped me to understand how I am to approach God. She said and I hope she doesn’t mind me quoting her: … it seemed if I loved God above He would give me whatever I thought I wanted. I learned that when I love Him above all, He will place within my heart that which I should desire. Such a peace came with that revelation.” Doesn’t that just reveal the truth of what God wants from each of us! Those words are timely and so helpful for me. Thank you Beverly. In the midst of this season I am torn by the cheer and festive atmosphere all around me. I don’t wish to take anything from those who are enjoying this season. I know now that I may not be able to absorb all the festive things going on. Yet, I will find joy in loving God and letting the Lord show me what I do need and should desire. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 I love God and that hopefully is seen by others, both those that would accept my belief and those that would suffer me for my belief. Understand this verse does not mean that everything that happens to a believer will be good, but in the end good will be worked out. Forgive me for using a football reference. Many years ago when I played football in high school I was a linebacker. When a sweep play or a dive came my way, my first job was not to tackle the ball carrier. My first job was to run interference for another linebacker or safety to make the tackle. That means that I had to take on a lineman, who often outweighed me by fifty or more pounds. I don’t have to tell you even if I did lower myself enough to take the lineman’s legs out, I was in for a bit of pain. Sometimes a lot of pain. If I did my job effectively, the ball carrier didn’t gain much yardage or sometimes even was stopped for no gain. My point with this illustration is that nothing happening in the play was going to be easy or even painless that I had to do. However, if I did my part well, the whole team would be helped by my effort. I don’t know what God has planned for me yet. I know there has been a lot of hurt in all of this, but maybe others have been helped, others have found good in what they might see here. If that is so, then maybe the good I should see is what has happened for others. Maybe there is more to this than losing my daughter and going through this entire ordeal. I hope and pray that God will reveal what I need to know in His time. God is good and His timing is perfect. Dad
Posted on: Tue, 16 Dec 2014 11:50:00 +0000
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