Morning December 30th, 2014 We ate dinner last night with a good friend of Kendra and Ed. Jeff was in town from N.Y.C. It was good to see Jeff because of a lot of reasons. He is always upbeat, he genuinely enjoys being with people and he knows us from our days working with the Children’s Chorus. Most of all he was a good friend of Kendra’s before she met Ed. There is something reassuring when I see a friend of Kendra’s. It is like a bit of her came with that person. For just a moment I feel like something of Kendra is with me. I guess that sounds strange to some, but to me it is how I feel her spirit would spread itself. Sister loved people too and she liked being with her friends doing things. Making my way through this changing environment is not done by the seat of my pants. I am using coping skills I have learned through therapy, through reading, and through people I have spoken with and been in contact with on the Facebook. I practice thinking about things that I find comforting and help me to stay in the moment. I don’t look too far ahead. When I look back, I try very hard to keep the thoughts in the present. If my mind goes to the past which it does often, I breath more deliberately. There are a few verses I say that help me. I change what I am doing. It is really redirection I am practicing. If I can balance moments of stress with moments of recovery I am okay. There is always a bit of pain, a bit of sorrow. I don’t think that will every go away. I’m not going away either, or at least my belief is that I need to persevere as long as I have a breath. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines perseverance as this: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. This transition from one life to another is not for people that are not willing to keep trying. A person will get knocked down and sometimes life piles on top of the difficulties that one is already dealing with each day. Some days are more tolerable than others. There seems to be more moments lately that are uncluttered, less complicated. It all comes down to practicing and living what I believe I need to do. Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 I have been in a near state of constant prayer for nearly a year now. There is no bad time to pray. Every moment is a good moment to pray if one needs to speak to God. There are certain things I do when I pray, but I may not do each thing every time. I know two things that help me. God is a giver of grace and God is a giver of mercy. So what is mercy? What is grace? They are the great gifts, blessings, the true love that God gives to me or you. 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51: 1-2 Mercy is what keeps me from being turned to dust or sent to the depths of hell. One cannot earn mercy. It is an integral characteristic of God. Because God wants to have relationship with humanity, He grants you and me with undeserved, unearned exemption from judgment. Mercy is what God gave to the Jews in the Covenant. It was God’s patience and sometimes anger with the Israelites that would determine if they kept mercy or lost it because of their faith or lack of faith. One thing is written in the cleansing blood of Jesus. If we are faithful, God’s mercy is present. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. 1st Timothy 1: 13 – 16 Unlike humans, mercy is a kept promise to humanity if we believe in God. Mercy is how God withholds his judgment from me. Grace is similar except with grace we are all given grace, believer or non-believer. …For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. Matthew 5: 45 Grace saves a person if and only if there is faith returned to God with the reception of the gift of grace from God. Ephesians 2:8–9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. You see Grace is a gift, given freely from God. It cannot be earned through good works, it cannot be bought with deeds and prayers. Grace is given to those on their knees, those prostrate on the ground, humble and fearful of the great omnipotence of our Creator. A gift is accepted and when it is accepted that is when the nature of the gift begins to live in a person. Once again, mercy is how we are given pardon from our sins, from all that we think and do and deserves God’s wrath. Grace is the gift of love we receive from God despite being unworthy of the love we get through God and Jesus. I knew these things, but our journey with Kendra and the awakening of my heart through God’s grace has shown me the mercy I so needed to continue to take one more step. I love God and thank Him for his mercy on me. The grace I cannot see is bright as gold, a treasure beyond price. I do miss Sister so much, but I know she is in the circle of life promised forever from our Lord. God YOU are so good. Blessings. Dad
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 12:10:00 +0000
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