Morning .... feeling very sombre this morning. Not sad, sombre. Had a few messages in the night from some friends who have lost loved ones suddenly. Such sad times ... but each one apologised for contacting me as I am still going through my own grief following the passing of Mike. STOP.... I am here for you .... I may not respond immediately as I do not always see the messages immediately, but I will respond to you and give as much support as I can. Every single one of us will suffer one of the extreme losses at least and all the rest of us can do is be there for each of us that has that loss; just as you were there for me, I am here for you. No one but those that have gone through that loss will truly understand the level of devastation, shock, hurt, ..... so please do not think you cannot message me, you can.... my heart goes out to each and every one of you, but try and find some comfort in knowing your loved ones live on in spirit, having earned their angel wings... they have gone home. You will see them again. I did post the following advice before and will post it again... albeit a shorter version, so here we go: - allow yourself time to come through the shock. - accept that you are in shock and seek medical help if needed. They sedated me for three weeks... it helped. - do not put a time frame on yourself, go with the flow and do what you have to do - do not let anyone tell you you will get over it, all kinds of cliches are said, but just remember that you will in time learn to cope with your grief. - make sure you eat and drink, even though you wont feel like it; your loved ones will not want to see your own health deteriorate - do not make a shrine... leave things as they are, as one day that shrine will come down and you may then feel guilty about that - make a memory box instead and keep it safe - there is not time frame for grief so take baby steps, hour by hour, then day by day, each step leads you to living again - talk to the loved ones you have lost in the physcial. Say all that you have to say. - do not hold back the tears, let them flow as every tear is a testimony to the love you share, love is eternal, life is eternal .... remember you will see them again. - you will feel that the world has stood still. This is normal. Little things will start the tears flowing, let them flow; do not be ashamed of your tears, people will understand if they dont, tell them where to go... - do not feel guilty for all those little rows, or all those fall outs... that is life and human and totally normal. - do not punish or torture yourself with how your loved one passed. If it is their time, please accept it is their time. - after the funeral service you will find that you start to get back to some form of normality; your life will feel in limbo up until that point. - if you can bring yourself to see your loved on in the Chapel of Rest then please do, as this will help with the acceptance of the loss. Some cannot and do not feel guilty about this, we all deal with it differently, but know that it helped me, even though Mike died in my arms.. it helped. - write a letter with all that you wish to say and place it in the coffin. It helps. - after the funeral, people will not be around as much to support you, or so you think as they are getting on with their lives, this is normal but know that your friends are only a phone call away, please use that phone. - celebrate the life they led, gave you and shared with you. Memories are precious, hold them, you will find laughter again. We often laugh at the things Mike did.... even some of the wrong things.... - be kind to yourself and dont try to be superma or woman. - most of all, know they are watching over you and loving you every second of every day .... my warmest hugs to you all, wish I could hold each one of you as you go through this... but you will come through the other end. A great book to get and read in time is The Afterlife of Billy Fingers, by Annie Kagan... but also message me and I will send you some poems that are beautiful that will help you. Shelly xxx
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 08:06:13 +0000
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