Most of the time, we start a relationship with the best of intentions, automatically thinking that were both considering each other equals, and we will each be honored, supported, appreciated, encouraged and helped by the other in that relationship. We think or assume that were considered by our partner in the same way that we consider our partner. This is a dangerous assumption, for this may not be the case. The other person in the relationship may not want or be able to give what were capable of giving, and what weve earned by our devotion to them. Of course, no one gets into a relationship knowing that theyre never going to get the love, caring and respect theyre willing to give. In the beginning of a relationship no one knows that its going to one day become apparent that its a very bad and oppressive experience for them. No one thinks that a new, promising relationship is going to end up being a very dark, unbalanced partnership, where one gives gives gives while the other takes takes takes. But relationships can start out seeming very promising and very good, and somewhere along the way, you can feel the balance shifting, either subtly or obviously. What was supposed to be a team and partnership that benefits both people clearly is becoming to the benefit of one person only, and to the detriment of the other. A team, an equally beneficial relationship, is not one where one person gets to stand in the sunlight and enjoy all the warmth of partnership, and the other person gets to stand in the shadows and feel nothing but coldness. The dark shadows we find ourselves in are largely created by the person who deems him or herself to the important one, the dominant figure, the leader, the boss. This kind of partner creates and imposes a dark place for his/her partner to be in, one that gets colder and darker as time goes on. This kind of love relationship rarely warms back up for the one whos found themselves out in the cold. No one chooses to continually be in a place of darkness, and to be in a place that becomes darker and more depressing with each passing day. You may try very hard to bring the light back into your relationship, desperately wanting it to be better, like it used to seem to be, but your partner may actually like it this way, and it may be what he/she had in mind from the beginning. What may begin as an attempt to defer to your partner now and then out of love, respect, consideration and cooperation, may become a requirement, a demand, an expectation and the rule...the way its going to be. Being forced to follow along and stand in your partners shadow and have your human needs and rights overshadowed continually is not an honorable place to choose to be or an honored place to be made to be. Its then very difficult -- if not impossible -- to regain your right to sunlight in that particular relationship once youve been relegated to standing in that persons shadow constantly. Unfortunately or fortunately, people in relationships will start to behave more and more according to what they truly are down deep when they feel empowered, entitled and safe in doing so, once they feel they have taken or been given the power to and act as they choose. Once the honeymoon period ends, the efforts of courting are no longer necessary, and the hunt is over and the prize has been won, the actual, REAL relationship will be just beginning. Remember that different people want different things out of love. Some want to serve, and a good relationship will include two who want to serve, but some only want to be served, and these types of people will serve nothing but cold, callous treatment to the one they love. No one should force another person to stand in his/her shadow, and no one should have to choose standing in anothers shadow in order to maintain, save or continue in the relationship. Please respect and value yourself more than to willingly accept being in such a dark, dreary and dishonorable place. You deserve your time in the sun, too, even if you didnt get it from a relationship partner who never really intended you to give you that warmth in the first place.
Posted on: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 11:12:26 +0000
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