Mum question - support needed please. How do you become a gentle parent when youre not a gentle person ? I am not a gentle person by nature. I get easily frustrated and I raise my voice, stomp around and behave in a firey manner when worked up or stressed. Drspite my best efforts to change this is my base personality. so, bring a 3yr old and a 15month old into the equation and i always seem to be frustrated and stressed. I want so badly to be calm and gentle and understanding and everyday i am the complete opposite. i hate myself for how i behave. I am agressive, abusive at times and in general everthing i know a parent shouldnt be. I spent a month in the mental health unit of the public hospital last winter (bub was 7 months- he did not come with me) after suicide attempts. I was diagnosed with bipolar type2, postnatal depression and borderline personality disorder. I did all the anti depressants, anti psychotics, saw a psychologist etc but it was always said by the professionals if the kids were fed, had clean clothes and somewhere warm to sleep that i was doing a good job and i was too hard on myself. I just cant accept this. i was however reported to docs by someone in my support team, which i deserved but also was hard emotionally to know i was doing so badly that state intervention was required. I have no family here (theyre all 2000kms away) and i have literally no friends. Suicide is a constant thought as i just cant help hating myself for how badly i treat my children. I dont know how people can break free of their personal molds and parent in a calm manner when theyre so full of inner turmoil? Please help! i love my kids with all my heart. I only want whats best for them. I am not trying to be a perfect mum. I just dont want to be the horrible abusive mum i have become. Pinky says: Huge Huge hugs. You have taken the first step by acknowledging you want to make changes. Two toddlers is a full on job, especially when you are suffering yourself. The biggest impact on our mothering is support. If you have no family near, can you join a support group? We have Parenting by Heart Mummy Meetup groups all over Australia. Or have a look at the Playgroup Association website or call your local council and see if there is a playgroup near that you can join. Getting out with other mums is almost like having supervision - you are likely to feel better and behave better when you are in company. Also, if professionals are telling you you are too hard on yourself, perhaps this is true. The fact that you are concerned and reaching out shows that you have a good heart; you care deeply about your children and you know what, you are the best mother for them. Your self hatred is so sad - please please try to be kind to yourself. Try and think of one fun thing you could do together each day - it may just be a walk, dance to music, draw with chalk outside, paint the fence with water, walk to the park and play, go to rhyme time at the library; This way you will feel better about the one thing you have done that was for your kids and it wont be stressful - keep things simple, really simple. Think of triggers that push you over the edge - are you or the kids tired, hungry, bored - and try to minimise these by thinking ahead: if you dont want the kids to drag washing around, keep it out of reach. Try exercise in the morning or set up an activity the night before so the day starts better - a run around the yard or park in the morning will mean you can spend an hour in the afternoon watch a DVD together. Do you have a partner? Can you discuss the support you need together? Also have a physical health check (iron, thyroid and vitaminD) and try and find some space for YOU - an activity you can enjoy away from your kids, perhaps a class at a community centre where there is childminding, yoga, have a massage, what did you enjoy before you had kids - being impatient/yelling etc is often a sign that your own tank is running low.
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 07:31:54 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015