My Blog: I cant hold it in any longer. I cannot hide the pain or the tears. The masks come down today & fear has no more hold on me! This is our story...or should I say this is Gods story! This apparent mess will eventually become Gods message of hope! The smiles that many of you have seen upon our faces, only hides the struggle we have been going thru. However, yesterday we were brought to our knees, with no more words left to say & with tears overflowing. Our Strength had given way! If you dont know us please dont think we are bragging. In all humility John and I try to take every moment to pour into people, to help those in need, take every chance to open our doors to anyone that needs it & take every ounce & pour it into our children & children that are not even ours. But somehow it didnt seem to matter in the grand scheme of things because Bad things still happen to good people. Things that people cant understand or explain why! Job comes to mind & Many who have lost loved ones before their time. But even in the midst, God still has a message! One of those good people is my loving husband & best friend, John Villazon! The only man I know that no matter how much he is knocked down, forgotten, brushed off, turned down, etc. he keeps getting back up. In 2009 he was let go from a job that he had been at for 12 years, a job he thought he would retire from. however, since then he has been on a roller coaster with jobs coming and going. The constant feeling of failure plagues him, yet he continues to keep getting back up, brushing himself off & keep going. This year we took a leap of faith (praying & hoping) because nothing else seem to be working. He took a sales job in an industry he absolutely loves hoping God would show up & give us some redemption to pay our debt & keep our home. But once again the door has not opened & sales have been limited. So limited that we have been barely getting by. Til last week when it went from bad to worse and we were living on $5 for about a week and ended the pay period with $.45 in our account. So Yesterday, I Jumped out of bed hoping for a decent paycheck, but instead we got a check that will barely put food on our table or gas in our cars (that doesnt even include paying the bills). Talk about taking the wind out of our sails & feeling like the whole world had crashed in on us. But thats not the worst to me! Nothing hurts more than to see your husband fall to his knees in tears. He looked at me and said, am i failure? I was heart broken!! I have never seen such defeat in his eyes, it made my heart hurt. A failure you ask? Are you kidding me? Without hesitation I said, A failure is someone who never tries, a failure is someone who runs away, a failure is someone who doesnt care or doesnt get back up, a failure is someone who never wants to learn, a failure is someone who doesnt love their kids. I said, No, you Are NOT a failure! If nothing, You are my hero for never giving up!! See, I know We have been judged for me not working but what many dont know is the two reasons why. First, is the physical pain I live in everyday. That pain was starting to get better but the things I need to help it, we cant afford. The second is the God given directive that we were given to homeschool our kids! A man thats willing to sacrifice to be obedient to God & who cares for me in my pain without ever making me feel guilty is NO failure but a true man of God!! So why is God allowing this to happen? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe because we always said we wanted to be marriage missionaries & he is teaching us to walk in faith no matter what our eyes see. Has this circumstance brought us to our knees? Absolutely! Has he tried finding other job opportunities? Of course but no doors are opening. Even I have started looking for jobs & We both are set to go back to school in August to obtain our degrees in counseling. Are we terrified of losing our home at some point? No question! Has God left us? Not at all! If nothing, Our kids have been richly blessed over the past few months & so have we in many ways. My kids have always been provided for, so much that they know nothing else except God will come thru. Wished we had some of their faith sometimes! But what we cant do is LOSE our hope because I know this is a story of Hope, were just waiting on the ending to be written. And yes, it will be written and I will share the victory like I am sharing the struggle! The scripture I have heard so many times never meant more to me than now... Though you slay me yet shall I trust Him! As hard as that may seem right now, and as much as We want to scream... We quit! ....We cant!!! My husband and I have been called by God to marriage ministry! To help struggling marriages, to see redemption, restoration, and families brought back together! To give hope where there feels like there is none. And who better to spread that message than two people who know what that feels like. Marriage is our heart and our passion & its what we have been doing the past several years one marriage at a time. And because of this, the enemy would love nothing more than to destroy our family by Destroying our hope, our faith, and our childrens foundation in the Lord! So as you can see, we cannot give up..even thru the hurt, loneliness, the tiredness, the tears and all! We may have to apply for food stamps or stand in line for food, we may have to quit homeschooling, we may lose our home since we cant seem to recover, we may not be able to open our home to an international student because food stamps disqualifies us, we may have to sell some furniture or a car, but I WILL NOT denounce my God & I WILL NOT allow fear to control me any longer! Fear has run my life for far too long, it will NOT anymore!! I wouldnt trade this life with this man for anything. This type of love many dont experience in a lifetime! I have a son who is about to go to Haiti on a missions trip to spread Gods love, another who is learning to be a boy scout & loves the Lord, and a daughter who is vibrant, beautiful, and who even prays for us. Thats not a failure my friends, thats a man of God who has taken his roll seriously. Thats a man, that even going thru such adversity, He still continues to be an example of Gods love! Thats Character!!! I dont care what people think of this post! Why is it ok to tell the world your story after you have been thru the storm? Why do we hide til its all over? Why do we only give God a platform after the fact? We hide because we are embarrassed. We hide because of pride. We hide because us leaders want everyone to think we got it together. We hide because we are worried about being judged. We hide because thats where the enemy wants us! We know this because we have done them all. Leaders dont have it all together, we are real people with real struggles. People want to see transparency! People need to see that You can make it even if it gets ugly because never leaves you! I am not asking for anyones pity because We will continue to help people, we will continue to open our home, we will continue to fight for marriages. I AM asking that you give God praise because we are still standing! I AM fighting back & declaring the name of Jesus! I AM exposing the enemy by not living in this secret fear any longer!! I AM serving notice to the enemy today by saying we may have lost the battle but he WILL lose the war!! Phil.4:12.. For I know now what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I am learning the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. So if you know someone going thru hell, remind them there is hope! Remind them its not over til God says its over! Remind them that they are NOT alone & things dont always seem to make sense! Remind them that Victory will be His in the name of Jesus!!!!
Posted on: Wed, 02 Jul 2014 20:11:36 +0000