My Final Post... To those of you whove read my posts over the years, particularly those in which Ive been far too personal in revealing my journey with mental health issues, I apologize for subjecting you to such useless dribble. While there are those whove told me theyve benefited and gained a better understanding of mental illness experienced by their friends, family, and themselves, thank you. I know that there are far too many others who look at my writings and see me as a sniveling, self-centered, mal-content. Think what you may. Tell me that I should shake it off and remind myself how grateful I should be each day to wake up and see another day as one full of promise and joy. Tell me about your friends and your own illnesses; Cancer, MS, Parkinsons, and other horrible diseases that are quite fairly considered far worse than that of a little depression and feelings of hopelessness that haunt millions each and every day of their lives. Tell me that I think too much and to simply get used to waking up in the middle of the night screaming because of horrible images of being locked in closets by sisters, being taunted and beaten up because of being gay, and the horrible memories of caring for and watching a dear friend slowly but surely losing his mind until the day he finally finds relief in death, leaving me devastated, used up, empty, and flat broke without a penny or a job, having lost everything because I cared more about him than myself. Tell me not to think too much, not to think at all, but instead, do what? What other option is there? What? - to not think and only feel - feel, feel, feel, resulting in being driven completely mad and becoming a genuine threat to the well being of others and myself. Inconsequential Cannon is disappearing for most of you. Im creating a new FB account and I will send friend requests to a handful of people who can choose whether or not to stay in touch with me. I will no longer annoy or burden old friends, new acquaintances, and people with which I work. Ive been on medical leave from work for more than a month now. I will no longer bother those I once worked with or have been working with. I will no longer expose anyone to my unforgiveable , self-consumed need to do a job thats worthy of respect and measures integrity as primary in purpose in my work environment. Once I return to work, I will become just another somebody who only sees work as a job and doesnt care about making a contribution in creating a successful enterprise. Ill just be a part of the status quo and no longer attempt to empower and motivate those who once respected me. Truth is, hardly anyone listens to me anyway, whether with work or personal concerns. Ive lost credibility with most everyone and I now find myself in a place that has no meaning, no relevance, and most certainly nothing of worth to contribute. To those who I will never see or communicate with, I wish you well. I wish for you the promise of a better world instead of the condemned world from which the only rescue that can be conceived is either through some miracle or millennia held beliefs that something, someone is going to be the savior from everyones self-responsibility to save themselves and the rest of humankind. Im going to be dead soon anyway. What difference can I possibly make in the lives of those who suffer at the hands of the deceitful, hateful, treacherous, despicable, loathsome beings whose voices are full of lies and hatred. Let those who choose to continue being misguided and fooled by those who yell the loudest and repeat lies over and over and over again until they, the weak minded, gutless, useless rabble stupidly believe the lies and decide to take no responsibility in making this world a better place to be except for those who look and think just as they do. Goodbye pathetic world. Ive finally given up on you and your uselessness. Good riddance. Destroy this world and the beauty that God created and intended to be a garden where love could be sewn and grow into a heaven on earth instead of the hell made by self-serving, self-consumed, and self-destructive idiots and fools.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 19:34:29 +0000