My Moms skin is warm, and soft, and mottled, and very loose. It seems as if the slightest tug could pull it apart. Her eyes have lost their rich brown color, and are fading to gray, like her hair. She is sleeping most of the time now, interrupted only by the occasional opening of her eyes, or a harsh cough. Her lungs are beginning to retain fluid. Her mind has begun to turn inwards. Shes asking about old neighbors, and friends from my grade school years. She can still recognize voices, and seems to spring back to life when my two little boys give her hugs and kisses. But still, she is dying. Her doctor told us today to limit the number of visitors and commotion in her room; that forcing her to engage in her surroundings takes energy away from her bodys attempt to shut down, and let go. Its striking how to the emphasis now is not recovery, but release. The resulting emotional conflict is very interesting. Perhaps even a little maddening. Weve begun to share food, and stories, and tears, and hugs with the other families in our hospice center. We dont know each others names. We only know that they are here for Grandma Ruth, or Uncle Elmer, or their own mother or father. Weve come from all over the country, and Im sure that our day to day lives are very different from one another. But this is a shared experience. And we are helping each other through it. It is a beautiful thing. The hospice experience, however sad and morbid and angering and confusing it is, is also giving me hope. For the past few days, I have been surrounded by some of the kindest and most compassionate people that I have ever met. Their awareness of the human condition, and its universality, is comforting. The staff here, although all female, could not be more diverse. The nurses are young and old, Italian and Jamaican, Jewish and Catholic and Buddhist and Atheist. And they all get IT. And that gives me hope, that just perhaps, if we as humans can learn to accept the inevitability of death, and focus on our shared goals and experiences, instead of the petty, fear-based differences we cling to, we might just yet be able to live in paradise, together. Now wouldnt that be something.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 17:46:41 +0000