My Path to Islam, Anese Barker Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (Peace be unto you and so may the mercy of Allah and His blessings) My name is Anese (ironically an Arabic name for a man), Im 36 and live near Los Angeles, California. Im an American woman with Irish, English and German heritage. As a child, I was raised in a racially and culturally mixed environment. However, I cant recall meeting a Muslim. My childhood was filled with challenges, yet my maternal Grandmother instilled a beautiful love of family and God. I was raised Christian, being baptized twice. My mothers side of the family are Christian, including a cousin who is a pastor of a 6,000 member church. My father and his family are Atheist. My Atheist father did support me in my quest to seek God, often giving me tithe (money) to donate to the church. Im grateful for the contrast of beliefs. It taught me to be an independent thinker. Continually evaluating my ideology. My path to Islam is lengthy, but hopefully interesting. Please have patience as I relay important events that were vital to my conversion. Intertwined with family, school and environmental hardships were several occasions of being abused. When I was 14, I literally dropped to my knees and pleaded with God for guidance. I cried and shouted in desperation. Shortly after, I began to read about Saudi culture. Focusing on the protection and lives of women. I was absolutely intrigued by how they covered, their modesty, responsibilities, importance and overall experiences. Even the stories that painted a darker side intrigued me. Yet, I still hadnt heard of Islam. When I was 18, I was at the International terminal within Los Angeles Airport. I was there speaking to employees, waiting for my mom to get off work. A limousine pulled up and the passengers exited. A beautiful family with kind smiles. The employees had stood up respectfully, as did I. We had no intentions to disrupt the families need to get to their flight. Muhammad Ali (yes, the boxer) walked directly to me. He kindly greeted me with, As Salamu Alaikum and shook my hand. I believe it was his son that handed me a pamphlet on Islam with Ali signature. Their warmth and kindness is what impacted me, not meeting a celebrity. May Allah reward them. As I put the pamphlet away later that night, I read the word Islam for the first time. However, I gave it no mind. Approximately 4 years later, I was working as an over the road truck driver. The morning of September 11th I was in San Francisco, California. My trailer was being unloaded as I watched satellite TV in the cab. The news had reported an accident in New York. In a breathtaking moment, I watched the second plane crash on live air. It was a moment filled with fear. To add to my fear, the Golden Gate Bridge had been closed due to security concerns. I was trapped as we were told we were a potential target. My friends in Los Angeles were also told they were potential targets. Terror in itself. Time had passed, we were going to war against those Muslims. Americans were sold lies and we paid with hate. I watched as we bombed Iraq. I was so enthusiastic, I couldnt sit still. Die you bastards. My American pride had mimicked something similar to the Aryan Nation. Such a shameful time in my life. Fast forward 6 years, now 28 years old. I met a Muslim man who lived in California that went back to Egypt to care for his aging Mother. After months of talking, he invited me to come visit. I agreed. In preparation of visiting a Muslim country, I began to read about Islam. I felt a spiritual pull, an attraction. As if I was falling in love. My questions were endless. When I arrived and during the countless introductions to friends and family, I was embraced with love and kindness. Kindness seemed to be a theme. Cairo was wonderful. My gentleman friend asked me for marriage and I accepted. Additionally, he asked me if I was compelled to say the Shahada. The next day I was Muslim, Alhamdulillah! May Allah bless and reward him. Marriage arrangements were made. Two days prior to the celebration, I woke up in a panic. I was overwhelmed by the idea of drastically changing my independent bachelorette ways and moving suddenly to a foreign country. I told him I just couldnt do it. Astaghfiru lillah. I returned to the US and continued my old life. Living in the same manner as I did before the Shahada. It seemed my confession of new faith had been a lie. Suddenly, I was struck with a chronic pain condition. My life changed overnight. The pain was so severe, I had to use a wheelchair for tasks that required a lengthy walk. I went from having a great life (worldly standards) to being ill. I was so lost and felt alone. A few years later, side affects from medication threatened my life. I wound up in the Intensive Care Unit for two weeks. It was a scary yet life changing experience. Some may think I was crazy, but I know Allah branded my heart with the motivation to seek Him. Another two weeks were spent learning how to walk again in a physical rehabilitation hospital. I went back home after a lonely month of hospitalization and slowly began to make changes to please Allah. Its been 7 years since I converted in Egypt. Im now just starting to live for Allah, Alhamdulillah. In summary, I look back on my journey in amazement. I would have to be dense not to see His love and guidance. Allah protected me, He gave me strength. He also humbled me deeply and allowed me to go through hardship, all out of love. Allah put people in my life to soften my heart. Alhamdulillah for EVERYTHING! Please be kind to non believers, In Shaa Allah it will impact them even if you never become aware of it. After 36 selfish years, I live for Allah now. My main focus is improving as a Muslim, In Shaa Allah. I feel truly blessed and grateful. The Most Merciful loves me and I Him. May Allah reward and bless all the friends who have been brave enough to love this sinner and correct me with love and patience. May Allah bless us with an abundance of knowledge and the wisdom to know how to use it to serve Him. May Allah guide the lost and help believers set a good example. Ameen
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 16:50:04 +0000
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