My absolute favorite letter. A little long but worth the read: This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from a dissatisfied customer regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak GuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, Id probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and Id certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I cant tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing theres a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? Im guessing you havent. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and Ill be transformed into what my husband likes to call an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, youve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize its a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: Have a Happy Period. Are you f__king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless youre some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything happy about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you dont march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, if you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldnt it make more sense to say something thats actually pertinent, like Put Down the Hammer or Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong, or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull s__t. And thats a promise I will keep. Always. Best, A former customer
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 03:10:06 +0000
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