My beautiful baby girl Lucy passed away last night at 10:05pm. I love her so much, my heart is beyond broken and I am okay. Thank you all so much for sharing your personal puppy transition stories with me yesterday, they were a key instrumental piece in my preparation. In return, Id like to tell Lucys transition story and then tell you a little bit about Lucy and what an amazing life she led. Lucy began breathing shallowly at around 6pm last night. I immediately knew the stages of her passing were really getting into Stage 3 and 4 (out of 5). Her breath became cold. She was mostly peaceful, sleeping comfortably on my bed (her favorite place in the world) with me next to her for body heat, and wrapped up in a blanket. A few times she came to and flailed a little bit and fell into my arms. I held her like a baby for an hour like that, with her continuing to breath shallowly. I began to tell her stories of when she was a puppy and told her it was going to be okay that I was with her until the end, no matter what. Lucy was blind in the last 3 years of her life, so I wanted her to have touch and sound to know that I was there with her. Lucy was always a little fighter, giving me health scares throughout her entire life (which turned out to be nothing, such a drama queen, I would say to her and she would sniff at me in response defiantly.) and I felt her fighting during this time, resting peacefully, then struggling to get up, but with no balance, unable to. Each time, I would give her Reiki, speak to her and tell her it was alright, to rest..and she would lay back down and calm down. Finally at aroud 9:30pm, I knew that it was time to give her the shot. I could feel it. You were all so right--I knew. I knew if this was prolonged she would suffer. At that moment my cousin and his wife came over to be with me so I wouldnt have to do this alone and we decided to take her to the vet to get the shot. There was no one available at that time to do it at home, so I had to take her to a vet Ive never been before that was open 24 hours. I wrapped Lucy up in her favorite blanket and carried her like a baby in my arms, down to the car and like that the entire time on the way to the vet. She lay there peacefully, breathing shallowly. It was beautiful because when she was younger, she wouldnt let me hold her like that, but all yesterday she did and was really enjoying it, surrendering and allowing me to care for her. The most beautiful thing happened then, in the car on the way to put her down and bring her peace, on the radio the song See You In My Dreams came on. I know that that was a little gift from God and from her. I cried heartily then, trying not to disturb my Lucy. We arrived at the vet and they immediately took us in. The vet was a very, very sweet young woman, who I am so glad was available. She was the perfect person for this experience. We administered the tranquilizer first and immediately her entire body relaxed, her eyes dilated and I knew she was going. I wish I could say I was composed, but I was not, but still throughout all of it, I kept petting her and thanking her for everything she has given me and for being a part of my life, telling her now she gets to go play with other dogs... until the vet heard her heart stop after the last injection was administered. I stayed with her for a while after. My grandfather passed away in front of me when I was 15, it was a sacred experience and I did not feel attached to his body after he passed away. But with Lucy, for some reason, I had a very hard time leaving her little body. I think its the mother protector in me that wanted to make sure she was okay. The vet wrapped her up in her favorite blankie and this wonderful man whose business is to come pick up dogs after they pass spoke with me (thank you Tisha for recommending him to me), said some beautiful words and very gently and lovingly picked her up and took her into his car. She will be cremated on Thursday. I am thinning of attending the cremation, as I can feel that my body and soul need to go through several days of ritual to process this and let her go. I read an article online that in Tibetan tradition, after a living being passes, the soul stays near the body and around other loved ones for 3 days. So I am going to honor that. I have been talking to her and very much feel her around. Now I want to tell you about Lucy and what a crazy amazing beautiful sweet little dog she was, and how she lived a very cool life for a dog. I always used to say Lucy man, must be nice to be you! When I die, I want to come back as you! We first got Lucy at 3 months old for my brother when he was 15. I was in college. The first time we brought her home, she went outside closed her eyes and stuck her nose in the wind. This was something Lucy always loved to do. In the end of her life, I took her on a few car rides so she could feel the wind in her face. She absolutely loved it. Later on, I wanted to get a dog and my mother suggested I take Lucy for a test run to see if I could actually care for a dog with my hectic life. I brought Lucy to New Jersey with me when she was 11 years old and from that moment on, I knew there was no way I was getting another dog and giving her back to my mother. Lucy was such a unique, funny little personality. Lucy was stubborn as hell. It was one of my favorite things about her. I still chuckle thinking about that stubborn look she would get, with her little underbite jutting out, refusing to move or do what I was asking her to do. I always tried to be firm but secretly inside I was rooting for her and laughing. Lucy traveled all over the world with me, she was a little jet-setter. She was with me all over the US, in Panama, in the mountains of Panama (which I took her to towards the end of her life and she absolutely LOVED it, would spend hours on the back porch listening to the birds and wildlife). She was an easy dog, she stayed at other peoples houses and immediately made her way into their hearts. She was fresh too--she would bark at you when she thought it was time for you to go to bed with her, and if you knew what was good for you, you obeyed. She loved ripping up tissue papers and ripping up her toys until they were empty of their filling. It always gave her a feeling of satisfaction. Lucy came on Marriage Equality protests with me in NYC, she voted for Obama with Stacey Raymond in the booth and she absolutely loved little children. Her tail wagged whenever she heard them around and she was the most gentle dog I have ever met. Never bit a soul. She always went on her back to get her belly rubbed. When she was in trouble, she would apologize to you by getting on her back and exposing her belly to you, as if to say see? Im so cute, I surrender, now pet me. Of course I always gave in. How could you not? In the end of her life, Lucy was a fighter. And Im so glad I got to have that sacred time with her. She was losing kidney function and she would let me hold her across my chest while we watched movies. I hand fed her, changed her diapers. We developed a deeper level of intimacy and I cannot even tell you how honored and privileged I feel to have been honored by the Universe and her to be her caretaker. It was so sacred and so special, and again, I feel lucky that I got to be the one who was her caretaker. I truly understand what a sacred process it is to be with someone (to me Lucy was not just a dog, she was a member of my family, she was the closest thing I have to a child, and I have wept more over her passing than my own grandfathers!). If you want to know what you can do: 1) If you knew Lucy, i would love for you to share a favorite memory with her in the comments below. 2) If you knew or didnt know Lucy, and want to light a candle for her soul as it transitions and post a pic of it in the comments below, it would be a great comfort to me, thank you. 3) Simply some love and light sent my way would be wonderful. 4) And if you feel you want to do anything extra, a donation to any animal shelter in your area would be a beautiful gift in Lucys honor. Lucy I love you so much. Thank you for showing me what it is to love, what the meaning of devotion is, what it is to live a full life. Im so happy that you are running through fields now with other puppies in heaven. I will see you in a few years myself. Until then, I will see you in my dreams.
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 13:36:35 +0000
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