My beautiful, strong, angel Alli, It was this minute, 12:18 pm on September 7th that I last saw you alive. We were at soccer, and I heard you fuss. I went to your dad to ask if I could visit with you, he said sure and I took you back to my chair as sissy started to play her game. You bounced between me and Stuey. You hugged him, you kissed me, hugged me, grabbed my nose, licked my face. I pretended to chew on your legs and you laughed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw your dad preparing your bottle and I knew it was time for you to eat. I loved on you for the last time and took you back. You cried for me. He gave you your bottle, we watched sissy play and you fell asleep so I couldnt say goodbye. Then like a big dumb unknowing idiot, I flitted off to a Reds game not knowing what would take place in the next 12 hours. You went home. Im so sorry I wasnt there. I have a tremendous amount of guilt that plagues my every moment as I realize that that was the last time I saw you. In your sweet, pink cheeks, I saw wisdom that day. As if you knew something was going to happen. Not a day goes by that I dont want to punch myself in the face for thinking everything was ok and you were totally fine. I promise you, Alli, Ill never live another day without speaking your name, without thinking of you, without seeing you in everything. I know that those Elmos, owls, and As I find everywhere are you just saying hello. I woke up this morning at 5:32 am. Remember? Its the exact moment I woke up on September 8th, 2013 when I knew something was terribly wrong. When I paced the floor for 3 hours until that phone call came in. That phone call that destroyed my life. The one I thought was a joke, a sick, horrible joke. This morning when I woke up I was laughing, so hard I was crying. I was hysterically laughing and the dream was completely obscure. But when I looked at the clock, it read 5:32 am. Why was I laughing? Were you in the dream and we were playing? Did you leave before I knew you were there? Visit me again, those dreams are so few and far between. As I type this letter to you, my tear streaked face and runny nose dont feel like enough. Sometimes I think the pain that accompanies this is what keeps me close to you. Ill never be the same. Ive lost a 28lb piece of my heart, yes baby, you were 9 months and 25 days and 28lbs. I loved that about you most. Time does ease the pain, but my heart will remain forever broken. We love you, I love you. And with all the stars in the heavens, know that each one shines bright, just for you. My love shines bright for you. I love you my sweet, angel baby. With all the love in my every molecule, Mommy
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 16:44:04 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015