My blog entry from today Tie my shoes! Who hasn’t heard the ‘Mom can u tie my shoe’ from the car seat in the back! Or the ‘I can’t find my blankie’ when its right there. Or standing in the kitchen and saying ‘can u throw this’ I personally have lived through all of these. And then some. Worse ones have been the outbursts from the car seat. Mama nosy. Mama my cuddle fell down. Mama I need juice. When he was 2, I actually did adjust my car seat to move it back a little to reach him to wipe his nose! What, you can’t believe what I did? Neither can I! I know the mom gene turns on when a child is born and we become capable of doing things we never dreamed we could and it is for the survival of the young ones that nature turns the gene on, but wiping the nose when driving. Where does one draw the line? I guess never. Huh. We all get sucked into the innocent little demanding creatures. We love them and want to discipline them at the same time but sometimes lines get blurred. Especially for a working mom being away from the kid 10 hrs a day is enough to build up a lot of guilt. Which is what I try to justify it with sometimes. I have thought to myself often that after all he was in the daycare all day; I did leave him there alone in the midst of strangers and went to work. I almost feel like I left him in some forsaken place to go to a party, that too a booze party. And I never feel guilty when I really do that! (rolling eyes allowed!) But in reality I think kids need more and more exposure to learning and it is good for their development to go to where they can be exposed to a lot of learning and meet other kids, play and just have fun. None of this I could give to him if he was with me all day. So I think I shouldn’t feel guilty. But I do. So then the next step for me is to just find the line between what is ok, how much is ok, and when is it ok and what’s not. Kids do wonderfully well with set boundaries. We often underestimate them. But they can surprise you. They are constantly testing boundaries and its then up to us to set them. Initial resistance to the set limit is natural as anyone would expect. They are often testing the limit to which the boundary could be stretched out in their favor. We as parents have to decide based on what we know and what experience has taught us. Once we find that line we have to enforce it. Often disagreement between the 2 caregivers could lead to worsening of the situation. Kids do see the chasm that divides the caregivers involved and may try to benefit from it which would be detrimental for them in the long run. Also it’s hard to then set a rule if there is a disagreement. Since each day brings a new situation, we sometimes do sit up late to discuss the options and the limits we should set. I am always leaning towards being a bit lenient and my (in)significant other usually wants us be bit harsh at least for starting out when the rule is being set. Not that I want my son to grow up doing whatever he wants but I do think he could be told sternly few to several times whatever it takes basically and he will cry (it out) and learn. My husband gives time outs at a drop of a hat. We have gone from arguments to conversations, with really no difference between the 2 things! I end up raising my voice and saying ‘that’s how it will be’ sternly several times. And it works! Every time. On a serious note I just wanted to say few things- I feel we must keep control in our hands and not melt at those teary eyes (it’s impossible though not to) and pleasesss especially the ones at a supermart with others kinda staring at you like its all your fault. But there’s no fee to keep trying! Secondly, come to agreement between the caregivers. No matter how hard it is to agree on something you really don’t believe in completely. Not everyone can and should get their way by yelling. LOL. So find the middle. Then set the rules. Then stick to it no matter what. At the end, last but not the least, in fact the most important is, buy them something for following the rules. Let’s face it. They are our lil ones and mine is only 3.10 old so once in a while (or once a week!) I get him what he really wanted and make it clear why he got it. Yes I agree there won’t be awards waiting for him at each achievement but there is plenty of time for him to learn that. Tapasya srivastava.
Posted on: Fri, 20 Sep 2013 00:33:12 +0000
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