My boots hit the cold, wet concrete. The frigid, damp air and mist hits my exposed face and ears. I feel the warmth of my old Tahoe leave as I become completely enveloped in the cold night air. I see the reflections of the lights off the glass of the windows and cars in the parking lot. I hear the screams...any cop can tell you...this particular sound occurs and you know. You just know...your about to earn your pay. I move quickly through the alley way between the apartment buildings. The screams and cries are much louder now...reverberating through the buildings. As I am moving I can not help but notice the Christmas lights flashing and the wreaths on some of the doors. I remember thinking how ironic is this? I see the large crowd gathered in the apartment commons area and many are pointing to one particular apartment. Much pain I can hear now....even feel it. I move through the crowd of people. They part from side to side, much like the waters of the Sea from the Bible. I can see tears on some of the faces. I hear and see anger on others. I walk through the open apartment door. As I do so I hear the radio singing its song in my ear...another unit is en route now. Busy night. Very busy night. Christmas Eve...one of the busiest for us. I see the woman laying on the floor, rolling, crying, tears, foaming at the mouth, snot coming out of her nose...the pain and anguish I see are immense. I look just past her and on the couch next to her I see the quilt. A pretty blue and white pattern with a large pool of still soaking wet blood. I am close enough and it is warm enough inside the apartment to literally smell the odor of blood. One, like me, can almost taste it. Experience over time on the streets, your body, mind, heart and very soul learn these senses. You just do. They become infused into you. I see the small head and one arm protruding from the top of the quilt. He is gone. Only the body remains. One shot and this child is no longer here....the lifeless expression I see upon his face I shall forever recall. I look to the left and I see the small bullet hole in the front glass window of this tiny apartment. The story is told. I know without asking one question. One shot, maybe more fired...probably not intended to even hit any apartment, let alone this one. And, most certainly, the bullet fired was not intended to strike this child in his sleep while on the couch. Doesnt make it any more senseless, really. The whole incident and loss is senseless. Pointless. I am jolted back from my thoughts as the lady who was rolling and crying on the floor grabs my leg and begs me through her pain and tears to save her baby boy...This I can not do....no one can. I place my back towards the body to keep her and anyone else from getting to him. I grab and hold her close and let her scream...let her cry. I see the others at the door, peeing in and they too are all in tears.....some curse, some cream...all of them cry...even the grown men. As other units start arriving I become aware of the time that has gone by. Two and a half minutes. All of this and more in just two and a half minutes. And, now....now I have a lifetime of hearing, seeing, smelling and remembering this and many more like it. And yet, many call me, those like me...animals. You have know idea what you are talking about. None. You have no idea the pain and suffering we witness and immerse ourselves into day in and day out. Back and white are the wrong colors to be worried about. It is the crimson red color of all the blood spilled for nothing......after all, we all bleed red. No matter the color on the outside. This African American child was killed for nothing. His life taken, not in anger or for any cause...his life was taken far to soon, much to early. His family devastated and destroyed forever more. I was the only Anglo person there for those few minutes....the only color I can remember is red. I never saw black and white. I saw humanity. I saw people. I saw a family. I saw death and saw pain. I witnessed and felt and lived complete and utter suffering. I am not, we are not animals. The man, the woman who stands behind the Badge is just that. A man or a woman. A human being. Nothing more. Nothing less. We are not Superman or Wonder Woman. There is no super special power to do what we do. There is only a lot of heart. There has to be. Because over and over...our hearts are broken. Night after night, day after day, we see, hear, smell and feel the pain and suffering of our communities, our country. We know what many others never know...they never learn....we are all here, we are all in this together...to perpetuate the hate is only to perpetuate all the of the heartbreak, tragedy and death. Many a sleepless night do I and others like me have. Many of us clearly see when our eyes are closed the blood on our hands and hear the echoes of the screams from the past. We the few who stand for the many who can not stand for themselves. We know. I know. The pain of what we have seen and endured never really leaves.....it simply ebbs and flows like the tide of the waters onto the shore. Just my thoughts this morning after a very, very long, painful and sleepless night. Sincerely, Me (P.S. - to my Brothers and Sisters everywhere...remember, you are not alone.)
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 13:06:55 +0000
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