My chest hurts, my heart is heavy and feeling extremely exhausted after a very emotional two days. One hand, a new chapter in life begins, on another--one is ending. Past memories returned today. Happy memories. Quiet moments with a wonderful woman, crocheting and talking about anything and everything. She looked up at me today with those bright eyes that always were full of love and welcome. My friend uses other terms of endearment that are humorous but I also understand what it feels like. It is a feeling way too familiar to me and it is difficult to convey my emotions but yet--he eloquently said it for me (or maybe it was his niece)--compartmentalizing. I have spent most of my life compartmentalizing my emotions only to break down later long after the person has gone. My words never feel adequate enough for those around me who are trying to cope and I feel mentally daft at handling such moments. With family, it is easy to bark orders, to make frank statements of what needs to be done. Its much harder as an outsider and it feels helpless. My chest hurts but I am grateful today for the opportunity to hug so many people that I care about and to have had the opportunity to say so.
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 03:36:42 +0000
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