My confession is that I fear being like my mother. She never loved me and even told me so as a young child. I am afraid of being that careless, reckless woman who beat get kids with wire hangers, shoes, anything within reach for being too loud when she had a man over. I am afraid that my kids will try to kill themselves because of how I treat them so I do everything that I wish my mom wouldve done with me, with my kids. I tell them I love them all the time lol sometimes so much that I seem to annoy my kids with it. They mean the world to me and I would do anything within my power to give them everything I never got as a kid and so much more.. Im not my mother and that fear of being like her is why I am not like her. I could never leave my kids for days at a time to party, I could never party with my kids in the next room or let them see me trying to stab one of the many boyfriends who come in and out of our home.. I was raised that way and I feel like it stunted my maternal skills if thats possible. Im emotionally cold and often mean, but I try my hardest to be the best mother I can be and even though I feel like Im doing a terrible job raising my kids, they tell me they love me and that Im the best mother ever. Even though Im married and have the life i wish i was raised in, even with my kids and spouse telling me Im the best mom ever, I still get so scared of becoming her.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 06:00:03 +0000
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