My final letter to her. I knew she wouldnt read it even before I gave it to her. 10/11/13 My dearest V, I’ve come to the realization that you are searching for something. I’d like to help you find it. This is the only reasoning I have come up with as to why you would come up with a second life. If you ever decide you need something or someone to talk to, I’d like you to think of me. Keep my phone number. Give me a call. Show up to my house. Show up to my work. Whatever is going on, it’s going to be okay. I’d like to be your friend now and help you search for whatever it is that you are looking for. I can’t help you search as your lover, your intimate partner, which I thought I was. I was mistaken. I now know this was a fling even though you said it wasn’t. I’m assuming M can’t deliver or doesn’t give you what you’re really looking for. I truly hope that he can make you happy one day or is at least trying, whatever your relationship is with him. I can’t be your partner when there is someone else. I thought I was yours. I thought you were mine. He deserves to know what you are doing, that you were with me for about a year. It’s unfair to both of you, if he doesn’t know. I have been traumatized by our rollercoaster relationship. My body is physically unhealthy. I have an irregular and uncontrollable heart rate, random anxiety attacks that cripple my mind and body, and sleepless nights. No one should endure the feelings of panic, betrayal, and disrespect that I have been through but he deserves to know. Despite all of the mistreatments, I still want you. Over this past year, I think I’ve had a glimpse of the true you. I cannot believe all of our time together has been completely deceitful. Deep down, you’re still a wonderful woman. I still can’t help but smile when I think of you. I still desire you. You make my world so bright…when you’re here, with me. My heart beats so fast with joy and happiness. When you’re away, my heart sinks, I can’t wait for you to come back to me. Will you ever come back? The good still outweigh the bad even though most of our relationship is built upon dishonesty. You have taught me that the heart has such a large capacity to care for another person. I had no idea the heart is capable of such feelings. I hope M is good to you and treats you well. I hope he worships the ground you walk on. I hope he listens to you. I hope he’s there to keep you warm. I hope he makes you smile when you’re blue. I hope he’s there to hold the umbrella for you. I hope he holds you, kisses you, and sits with you, just to be with you. Most importantly, I hope he makes you laugh. Those are the things I wanted to do for you. He deserves to know about us. A real test of love is if he knows about us and he still chooses you. Logically, I know that you will continue to deceive M. It’s not nice. It’s not fair to him. It’s not fair to you. I would like to help you search for whatever it is that you are searching for. Would you let me? If you ever decide to truly choose me, I would still choose you in a heartbeat. It’s completely illogical given our history and the deceit, but I’m still in love with you. I’m not sure you anticipated my incredibly strong feelings towards you. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world…when you’re here. You repeatedly told me “boy’s lie, cheat, and don’t listen.” I hope one day, you will choose to remember and tell our story as I was faithful and honest to you. Among other things I listened and made you laugh. I was kind, warm, and patient with you. To this day, knowing what I know about you, I’d still commit. I would spend the rest of my life trying to make you an infinite amount happier than I was, when I was with you. I am a “Go big or go home” person. You are still my “Go big.” I still want you. I still desire you. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. At least for now, I have to let you go. I’ll miss you. I love you. Love with all of my Heart, T P.S. October 17, 2013 is the one year anniversary of our first date at the NC State Fair, do you remember? I think it’s ironic that our last day together is our anniversary.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 03:40:46 +0000
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