My first fanfic! Constructive criticism please!! ~TAIvyTheDivergentDemigod FourTris Fanfic!! Part One – The Proposal. (Bang) “NO!” Tris woke. It had been four years since the war. Four years since she shot him. And she was still having disturbing nightmares about it. But, on the bright side, today was her birthday. The day she finally turned 20. She got out of bed and padded barefoot to Tobias’s room. When she opened the door, the creak was loud enough to wake him. “Hey. C’mere.” She walks over and lays down next to him. “Are you still having nightmares about Will?”, he asked. She nodded mutely, trying to hold back tears. He enveloped her in his arms and stroked her hair, comforting her and lulling her back to sleep. The next morning, when Tris woke, she found him pulling on a black T-shirt. “Good morning.”, he said, and before I could reply, came over, folded me in his arms and gave me a kiss. “Happy Birthday”,he whispered. “That…is such a nice way to wake up”, she breathed. He laughed and said “There’s more where that came from. By the way I’ve taken the whole day off and told Tori that you have too. So, you better bathe, dress and come back here. We’ve got someplace to be.” “Mmkay” she said, and went back to the room, where she showered, and put oh some ripped blak jeans, a black skintight tee and a leather jacket. When she was brushing her hair, she heard a knock on the door and opened it to find Christina , Uriah and Tobias standing there. “Happy Birthday”Christina and Uriah chorused. “Thankyou” said Tris and hugged both of them. She invited them in, and continued to brush her hair, noticing the glances Christina and Uriah were stealing of each other, when the other wasn’t looking. “Are they crushing on each other?” she thought. Her thoughts were interrupted by Tobias, asking her if she was ready to go.”We need to catch the train, and it’s leaving in 5 minutes “he said. “Im ready” she said. They bid goodbye to Christina and Uriah and left. The caught the train and sat down. “Where are we going” she asked. “You’ll see” Tobias replied. After a while, he said it was time to jump off. They jumped off the train and Tris found herself at the outskirs of the Abnegation sector. “we’ve come to see Susan and Caleb” Tobias said softly. “Thankyou!” She flung her arms around him and kissed him hard. “Your’e welcome he said ,smiling. They walked to her old house and found Susan and Caleb standing in the driveway. “Happy Birthday” Susan wished her. Tris thanked her but her eyes were fixed on Caleb. She coud see pure, brotherly love in his eyes when he hugged and wished her. They all went inside and Tris and Tobias spent all afternoon there. When they bid Caleb and Susan goodbye, Susan gave her a beautifu brooch which had the intertwined symbols ofAbnegation and Dauntless. Tris was speechless, struck by its simple beauty. “Thankyou” she said and hugged them both. Then, they bid them goodbye, and walkes back to the train tracks,where the caught the train again. “Where are we going now?”, Tris asked. “It’s a surprise”, Tobias said. He looked nervous. She sat , pondering where they were going. After, ½ an hour, he said it was time to jump off. They got off the train and Tris found herself staring at the Hancock building. “We’re going zip-lining?” she asked, her eyes shining, barely concealed excitement in her voice. “Yup” he said, grinning. While they were on their way up, she noticed that Tobias looked more nervous than she had ever seen since she met him. “We ARE gonna go to an extreme height” she thought as the doors opened.She felt cool air on her skin and thought about the first time she’d done it…about the exhilaration she’d felt. But when she saw the cable, she noticed that it was a double harness, which would allow both of them to go toether.”Thankyou!!” she cried, enfolding him in a passionate embrace. After they had secured themselves in, Tobias used the wall for support and pushed them off. She was flying again. That exhilaration, the adrenaline, it had all come back. When she looked over at Tobias, she saw him watching her with a tender expression on his face. He reached into his pocket, took out a simple band of platinum, the sun reflecting off his smooth surface. “Beatrice” he began “I love you more than myself. I’d happily die, if it meant saving you. Hopefully, that won’t happen, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” She could see the love in his eyes, as clear and pure as a crystal. “Yes” She said “Yes Yes Yes” and she kissed him. By then, they had reached the ground. They unstrapped themselves, got onto the ground and stood locked in a steamy, passionate embrace. TO BE CONTINUED…..
Posted on: Fri, 13 Sep 2013 17:07:04 +0000
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