My first report on my new page reviews the lads game against the turnip munchers of galphay The day started with a brilliant tactical decision by me as I decided to delay our travel to the game by fighting with my brothers over dinner thus meaning senior beef was late setting off. This lateness meant robbo had to do the toss and I have often heard the Ripley lads say he is a useless tosser so it’s no surprise he lost and we were asked to bat. This worked in our favour though as (unlike women according to haddock although I don’t really understand what he means) the wicket got harder to play the wetter it got. The game started and not for the first time I was left with a strange grey haired man who wanted to score but at least we did not have to go to a special hut this time! Our total of 179-8 was a good one except for the disappointment that the best batsmen in the world (or so he has been telling me since I was born) did not get to face a ball yet again. New boy Liam impressed by doing what actors do best and swinging it both ways and old boy beef senior bowled like a 39 year old and not a 54 year old for once, although some suspect fielding (and not his leg side half trackers) meant he was a bit more expensive than normal Legendary Umpire Micky bell proved his worth once more with his astute handling of the game including starting early even before all the players had arrived. Rumours that his decision to call the game off are in anyway related to his appearance in the local bar 2 minutes later waving 40 notes shouting ‘easy money boys, easy money’ are unsubstantiated at present. Anyway to earn my scorers fee of £10 (£5 taken by my dad as my agent) I have to rate each using the special Mr Scratching porkie 1-5 rating of: 1 – soft and squishy 2 – large and hairy 3 – small and crispy 4 – nicely roasted 5 – perfect bit of crackling Robbo ….. Lived up to his tossing reputation and got some good runs - Nicely roasted The shed…. His hamstring gave up but who can blame it - small and crispy Besty – quality runs but had no match fees due to his support of the Columbian export industry – Nicely roasted Jacko – looked good until he decide to shake hands in the middle of the wicket instead of run – Small and crispy Rod hull – fatal mistake of not wearing tight jeans meant his man bits released too much testosterone and he got out to a rush of blood – large and hairy J-M - looked good fielding for us and them – small and crispy Guns – (micky) bell ended off the thigh and not for the first time so I hear – small and crispy Liam – too hot, too spicy for the galphay boys – nicely roasted Fish – his fault the game ended early by coming on to bowl making micky bell realise he may have to do something if he did not call the game off – large and hairy Snape – ever the true sporting gentlemen decided to make a game of it by dropping their overseas early on – soft and squishy Beef – he pays my pocket money so this was performance of tactical mastery combined with cricketing genius – perfect piece of crackling I’m off for some wedges now so bye bye until next time RMB
Posted on: Sun, 23 Jun 2013 22:21:46 +0000
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