My girlfriend thinks shes prettier than I am so I started a diet last week. My Monday weigh in shows -12lbs in week one. Im a pretty man. All jokes aside though, I really need to be disciplined and become more healthy. I have gained a dangerous amount of weight over the last couple of years. Ive been doing less, ducking invitations, hiding from old friends and family, not updating my pictures... Ive been ashamed and while I tried to hide to give myself time to get back in the game the problem has grown worse. I have no accountability and cant seem to beat this problem alone. One big motivator (or wake up call ) was that I have recently assisted in developing a line of athletic wear as a side project. I am technically obese and Im working on developing an athletic line of clothing. The hypocrisy hit me square in the nose. While I was venting about dealing with the multilevel problem of being an obese person peddling workout clothes that I cant fit into, someone suggested something that both terrified and intrigued me. Why not be the poster boy for the brand and share my journey of regaining my health. Sounds familiar. Happens all the time. YouTube is host to thousands of those kind of accounts. But easy for you or us to say. I can attest to the fact that some of the people who considered documenting their weight loss or recovering their health were terrified to do it. The thought of exposing your chubby face, letting people see how you let yourself go, ex girlfriends glad to have dodged a bullet, people who hate you laughing and sharing... People who love you sad and sharing! Not to mention the shirtless pics on the internet, fat rolls, stretch marks, and everything else being exposed to the world. I can tell you this was probably a super scary thing for some of those people. Dont take their bravery for granted. It takes all I have to consider it and even as I write a voice is saying You havent posted this yet. Forget the whole thing. But when I confront the idea and get past terror, embarrassment, or just plain boredom, I also see another side. Freedom. Freedom from pride. Freedom from shame. Hmm. FFP = FFS I weigh in every Monday. Next Monday Im including a little video to start my journey. I dont know what Ill say or how any of it will go but I know what it will do for me. It will hold me accountable to myself and others and most importantly to me, give me my freedom back. Who would have thought? Freedom came in the way of being vulnerable. Learning. Some of you more unfortunate people know this, and I most certainly do, that I am one of the most vain and proud men you could ever meet. I know some of the Big Jay fans might be shocked but its true. I put so much emphasis on looks. From the clothes I buy, to my time getting ready... the tanning, the products, the outward emphasis. A good Handsome Dan regiment is awesome if its not more important than health and the goings on inside. I was a million dollar man outside and a ten cent buster in my heart. When Buster got fat I wanted to hide him and show you all that Buster is people like you not me. I wanted to wait until I had my image to lean on before I would get near any of you. I apologize to all of you and myself for being so contrived. The way I plan to say sorry is to make use of all the time I lost in hiding and take the hurt I caused myself and others and make it mean something. Im going to expose myself and share the things I learned and my new found freedom with others. I hope it becomes contagious. Even as I write this Im scared about next week. I can only thank God that Im armed with a new revelation. Scared and on a mission is better than just being scared. Regards, Jason P.S. If you want to get in touch again or follow me on my journey follow me on the Facebook page where I use my legal last name. facebook/jasonmarkhamilton
Posted on: Mon, 24 Mar 2014 18:35:28 +0000