My heart aches over an assumption that’s been made. You see, we can never determine in our own minds the motivation of others. Especially when the other person has died. He can’t be heard. The exact events don’t matter as much as the hurt they inflicted on my soul; the unsettling in my spirit. Wounds that had been becoming more of a dull ache were reopened causing fresh feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. As women and moms, it’s normal to question our capabilities from time to time. For me, as a single mom, I feel vulnerable with no one to stand behind me when I voice my decisions. I miss having a supportive husband to live in sync with. Dennie died leaving me here to handle it all alone. So, I hope no one judges my decisions or treats me differently than the woman with a strong, able man by her side to back her up. But, it’s not only me or other single moms, it’s all women standing before the courts of cultural judgment. At first I didn’t sense it. So their assessment, their harsh assumptions lingered just bubbling under the surface until it was said. Someone used what they believe would have been the will of my husband in heaven to pass judgement on a decision I made for my sons. A decision they disagreed with. At first I tried to suppress it. I didn’t want to go there! So often I try to see things from the other side, yielding to my own convictions to consider someone else’s opinion. Maybe it’s my own way of avoiding conflict, a characteristic that used to frustrate Dennie . He said it was too easy to walk all over me. Well…maybe. But the words, the presumptions and agonizing assumptions kept haunting my heart and meddling with my mind. Why would they say that? They never knew him personally, never held a conversation about the matter at hand and certainly can’t read what’s in his heart or, more importantly, in my prayers. They presumed and passed judgment based on my life as a wife and the intimate conversations I’d shared with the lost love of my life. Unfortunately, those times have passed. I’m no longer a wife. I must make decisions for who my family is today. When the bantering began, I went back for more, trying to sort out the situation and reclaim relationships. I wanted to reconcile. All over a decision I’d made for my family. They used his memory against me. When it comes to authority, I don’t have much! But rather than respecting the little and lonely authority God gave me over my three sons they hung my husband’s memory in front of me as a reminder that I’m all alone in this. I don’t need that reminder. And while I do my best to learn from his legacy and pass memories on to our sons in a positive, loving way, life moves on. Everything heart achingly changes and, at times like this, it reopens wounds I’ve been working to heal. The awful thing about assumptions is that we never really know how much they might hurt. Presuming to know someone’s purpose might only deepen their pain. So, why am I sharing this hurt with you? Because I believe that every hurt is an opportunity to heal and every pain has a purpose. Wrapped tightly in the package of presumption, this one reopening my insecurities as a single mom, I believe there’s more healing hiding in this situation for me! Maybe I needed a dose of motherhood confidence, a thicker skin or my family needed a change of path. Perhaps my husband’s lesson to stand my ground is still at play (Thanks, Babe for heart lessons still teaching me to live by prayerful conviction!). Or just maybe, it’s a reminder to always avoid assumptions. We each bear pain, experience struggles and carry emotional loads. It might just be our judgments that break someone’s burden-carrying back. I’m sure I’m not innocent! I’ve presumed I understand someone’s position and even passed judgment in the process. I’ll never know if I hit someone’s sore spot the way mine’s been hit. But, now I’ll take note never to assume what’s in someone else’s heart. Even if it’s not pure or right in our eyes, judgment’s not our job. God reminds us of that in Romans 2: 2-3, ‘Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?’ Only our Creator knows what He’s given to us to carry when we allow Him to lead our hearts. He guides us right onto the path where we belong. And that can even come wrapped up as presumption. Ladies, I pray for you today that if you’re being judged, you use that hurt to turn your heart and eyes towards our heavenly Father so that growth and healing come from unexpected assumptions. I also pray that we all constantly seek the Holy Spirit to guide our own words so that only sweetness spills from our tongues. Let us be led by the wisdom in Proverbs 16:24,
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 00:07:53 +0000
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