My little sob story, for those so inclined to Read: When I was a little kid I never had many friends and never really wanted many to begin with, although those who I did have I would spill my guts out and tell everything that I has on my mind, always, and would get clingy to one friend and then another as they would disassociate with me as I bothered them far too often. This cycle went on until fourth grade, and I began to act purposefully weird so that people would react to me as I felt I had nothing interesting compared to most of my classmates. This tactic didnt help me socially, obviously, but it did help me not care about my lack of friends for some time and made me enjoy myself. It somewhat worked until finally people started getting tired of my shit, theyd tell me that I wasnt funny although being funny wasnt something I cared about, and they literally called me things like freak or weird Russian kid and slowly, but surely, I began to actually take offence. After the end of the year I began feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself and began avoiding talking to people a lot. During the summer between my sixth and seventh grade, I made the stupid mistake of joining a five-day Russian, Christian camp. At that point I had a stupid mullet and they laughed and harassed me to no end about it and my social awkwardness and anxiety. At that point I became emotionally scared and for the first time cried because of something other people had said to me. At this point I sank down to near depression and basically avoided most people. The next summer I thought I would be better off so I joined the camp again, during which I had a first and last crush, who I never said more than two words to and although it wasnt as bad as the year before, I was made fun of for being quiet and shy. Then in the middle of eighth grade I met some great and very charismatic people who I really liked and I learned to be less afraid of talking to people. Since that point Ive begun to look like I dont care at all about what people think of me, although in truth I am really afraid that everyone who has ever seen me hates me and I feel like everyones judging me to the bone and rarely can talk to people I dont know normally without stuttering, avoiding eye contact and using a lot of hand gestures.
Posted on: Mon, 20 Oct 2014 09:13:16 +0000
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