My mind is so troubled. I trouble myself with What Im going to do. Who Im going to become. What I will make of my name. How I will carve out a way for myself, and give back something to those who have unbeknownst given to me. My shoulders hunch because I write into my phone and read so much and because all of the cycling and doing my job at a computer and sitting in bed watching so many TV shows and also living my days unaware of my posture. I see it in my mother... She has a mass of stress at her back, which I fear Ive inherited by activity (and maybe also genetics?)... I see me in her so often that I am at once proud and worried. And then I think, there is no bother because Einstein surely did not care for his physique and he hunched and payed no mind to it, for the Thing he was doing was of such import that, well, his social life simply did not matter. But mine does. Ive come to know in my situational- and self- awareness that being a socialite does quite matter! But my posture consumes my head, sometimes. The way one stands and sits and works is a sure fire way to know their life. I want to be open. I want to be languid and lawless and infinite and brave. I want to be fierce in all, in body and mind and heart. Like they make you in yoga. Or so I fathom. And I am afraid. I am afraid I wont know soon enough what it is I should become, until it is far too late to become it. Look back. Look back on what youve done, where youve been, and ask yourself if the You in the mirror today is the You of your younger visions. What things out of all the things did you choose? If you could know then what you know now, would this You be the You of your own choosing? Roman Catholicism teaches to consider what *was. Mormonism teaches to consider what *will be. Buddhism teaches to consider what *IS. Anarchy teaches to consider what *should be. Which one is The One? Each has their follies. But which is the path to the Thing that I am and will become? And then I release this thought to the social media. I dont expect great answers, but I may yet get some & I welcome any. I release this thought to social media knowing damn well theres no salve or philosophy or action to quell my mind... But I release it openly anyway. Because surely someone understands, and because why the hell not.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Aug 2014 02:56:19 +0000
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