My mum; Thanks to friends on Facebook, I know today is Vu Lan day, a day which all children should fulfill her filial heart compression taste pray for parents. It makes me miss my mother so much who sacrificed, melted her entire life for her husband and 5 children. I thought my mum would relax and enjoy her life when all of us growning up and succed in our career but diabetes had destroyed everything. She know she had been sick for long time, more than ten years but with a little knowledge of the disease and didn’t want anyone to worry about her, she just kept it for herself because the only thought in her mind was her children were still small, they all needed her. Until she could not hide anymore, it was too late, type 2 diabetes, the final stage causing blindness, heart failure, end-stage chronic renal failure, acute renal failure... She died in dire pain, without enjoying of children’s achievement. Six years have passed but I still regret, youngest daughter, not be next to mum when she needed me. I did not blame my family because I know everyone do not want any more bad news happens in the family, because I had just given birth to my son couple days, a difficult labor. I only blame myself why I chose childbirth at the time I should be with my mum. To be honestly, the decision is also due to give birth making by the last home visiting. My husband and me do not intend to have children when I was in college, we planned for my education, then job before birth. But when we visited mum, she told my husband that she would like to see a grandchild before she died. My husband loved my mum more than his mother and seeing mum afflicted with the disease, my husband decided to give mum a grandchild born and would bring him/her to Vietnam immediately after the birth . Thing happened not according the plan, my mum became blind after my 8 months pregnancy and spending her life just with ginseng and painkillers and 24/7 in the hospital. I ccould not go home because airlines did not accept 8 months pregnant woman in the plane. When she was told, that I and my child were fine after a difficult and long labour, just demanded to go home from the hospital, during those days, she did not want either painkillers or anything, just lying and waiting if I had managed to keep our promised to take the baby home for her. At the end, she had gone but her eyes were still open because I was not there, she was still looking and waiting for me. I was told this after 30 days of the birth. Dad said he could not keep silent anymore as he promised to my sibling not to tell me until 50 days of mum passing away as they did not want another bad news to the family. He felt both guilty to mum as well as to me so he called me and told me the sad news. I busted in tear for days and days but I could not do anything now, everything was over. The day I were there, mum’ grave was well built with full of green grass and flowers. I was told that mum funeral was huge as all the villagers love mum because the way she live. She helped and cared everyone who needed her, my house always full of poor students who shelter there during their education years in Ho Chi Minh City. More than 1000 people paid their last respects to my mum on the ceremonial funeral day. That made me feel me more guilty as strangers could be there for my mum while I was in the youngest daughter which she was always proud of me as her diamond, could not be there for her. 6 years has passed, I still live in the remorse and when i see my child who is also 6 years old now, I do not know whether I love or hate him. Because of him, I could not be with my mum on her last moment. Then I rethought perhaps my mum’ soul could pass to my son to be able to live closer to me. I should love my son double as I am also his mum and I love him for my mum.
Posted on: Sat, 10 Aug 2013 17:00:43 +0000
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