My piece written for Desmond Tutu and his Global Forgiveness Challenge. TARA MULDOON 01/04/2014 forgivenesschallenge/humanjourney/the-blog/ Forgiveness wasnt always a focus in my life. My hurt stages were very similar to this: anger, self-pity, resentment and repeat. A vicious cycle. I realized firsthand that my anger cycle was self-destructive; forcing myself to see only the enemy in others. This was after I was raped at 18. In my journey to recovery, I battled questions and demons everyday including trying to find a reason and logic. I blamed myself, the perpetrator and God. I stopped caring. I became reckless. I was hurting. Reflecting now, I can honestly say that forgiveness was the only process that has healed me. It wasnt a magical moment where I suddenly felt compassion for my perpetrator. Rather, I studied powerful messages in humanity and realized that hurt people hurt people. He hurt me, I was hurting others. I do not condone his actions and have no desire to speak to him for the rest of my life, but I forgive my rapist. My truths: Hurt people hurt people. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes and try to remove labels (“IE: father, best friend.) This can assist with clarity and remove putting your expectations on others. Do not minimize the offense. Forgiveness is not belittling your own thoughts. It’s okay to be hurt and anger is natural. Forgiveness is allowing the anger to take its course and fade away, opening a bigger future. Also, do not undermine the power of apologizing. Even if the other person is not completely receptive, you have done what you can. I encourage each and every one of you to know your truths and speak them. Hurts, betrayals, scars and pain are ours to decide what we do with them. I wouldnt have dreamed in a million years that telling my story would allow another survivor to relate or heal. Our stories are our strength.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 12:16:43 +0000
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