My plan was to awake earlier this morning. However I couldnt sleep. I kept resetting the alarm for another hour, another hour, a half hour, fifteen minutes. Yet I didnt sleep the extra time. Only to lay down with so much on my mind. Now I feel sleep deprived. For a few days I havent really had an appetitive. I had to make myself eat because I know with the whole anemia aspect if I dont eat I will get weaker and my hemoglobin will go down even lower. I even wanted to pray earlier for a lot of people for about an hour, that didnt happen though. I prayed for about a few people in quick prayers yet effective. I feel awful. My stomach hurts. I try not to have bad days. I try to be more positive encouraged and joyful. This day has already started bad. I hate sorrow, its like a dark cloud. Hmmmm! I wonder how God will rescue me out of this one. Its like people talk to you and even if they tell you they love you or something good. Its like going through the motions. A blank stare or a smile or a laugh here and there, but it doesnt reach the depth of sadness. My grand babies always make me laugh. Ri Ri told me last night, no she yelled My way. I got an A in child psychology in college, but my books and a lot of belonging got stollen from me. I use to use my college books as references. Anyway I remember learning about an autonomy stage where children become more independent and self aware. I dont remember the exact age children go through that stage, but thats what Ri Ri remind me of. Last night it was so funny. She love her purple and white polka dot pants. She wanted to sleep in them. I told her no its bed time and you have to take them off. I told her they were dirty. She told me no mama washed them yestermorning. Finally I convinced here to take them off. Then I told her its time to go to sleep polka dots. She love her polka dots. I use to like polka dots when I was younger also, I still kind of do. In so many ways she and her sister Desi remind me of me. They go in my make up. Desi put eyeshadow on one of her little teddy bears. She put it on good. It was so funny! So the other week they got into my make up. Ri Ri had like a smut of dark make up on her forehead. My daughter was like whats that on your face. I told her they were sneaking in my make up. So Amber said the sweetest thing. She she Ri Ri you dont need make up, you are pretty without make up, you are already pretty. Awwww, that is so sweet. Only a mother like Amber can say something so loving to her daughter. Mothers just have all the right and special things to say to their children. Anyway have a Blessed Day!
Posted on: Fri, 25 Oct 2013 15:31:46 +0000