My poor mum. Lying in bed waiting to die. Bewildered. Confused. She agreed I could do a puja on her, and the staff nurse said it was fine. They gave Floor, mum and me half an hour of privacy. Read from Adi Das scriptures, The Lion Sutra, waved lights and incense around her, placed shiva stripes on her head with ash and kum kum. And annointed her with ash on all the chakra points. Draped a giant rudraksha mala around her neck. Gave her Adi Das Blessed water in her mouth as Prasad. Placed a flower from Adi Das Sukra Kendra on her heart. Worshipped my poor mum in her deathless Form, as The Divine Being, the Being Behind The Mind, The Divine Woman behind every woman. Invoked Adi Da strongly and Floor and I prayed for her, for Her Awakening from the dream of experience. Gave her a locket of Adi Da with His Beautiful Murti inside as her birthday gift. Showed her how to use it. Instructed her again in feeling contemplation of Adi Das Form. Reminded her again Adi Da has Blessed her when He Was Physically Alive, using her Name and splashed water on her photos several of them. Practiced with her again saying the name Da. Told her again the kinds of experiences she may expect when she dies and how to practice feeling contemplation of Adi Da. Kissed her over and over on the lips and cheeks. Passionately exhorting her to practice surrendering to what is outside of herself. To Be Love and Meditate on Love. Begging her for her kisses even though I know she is so tired. Ask her are you ready to die?. She doesnt hear me right. Am I feeling better today? - No mum, are you ready to die? Its tough serving my mum in this state, with all her reluctance and difficulty to feel beyond her fear, her resistance to waking up out of the dream of separate existence. The dream of experience. I persevere. Is this the last time I see her? Im never quite sure. I need to say it all from my side, and no love or tears or anything held back. She looks wrecked, ugly, messed up, brutalized by cancer and osteoperosis, crippled, hunchbacked, emotionally and mentally very immature, but by Adi Das Grace She is transformed into The Divine Goddess, The Feminine aspect of His Form. She is Transfigured by His Love into Love Itself, She Is Truly Beautiful, Radiant, and there is no problem between mum and me, no unlove, no love left unspoken, and I love her and she me, and I will be worshipping her ecstatically for Eternal Time. My heart breaks again and I praise Da, The Only Person In The Room, The Only One I now see, and I ask Him to break my heart again and again and again so I can be like Him, a walking wound of Love. Happy. Free. Unconsoled. A corpse with His Arms in Infinite Embrace of Life and all Beings. Exhausting Himself through Love. Like You taught me Great Master.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 13:56:18 +0000
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